Thursday, April 29, 2010

A Look at the 2010 Summer Movie Season - Part 1

Even though we're technically still in Spring, I feel that after having seen Kick Ass a few weeks back, the Summer Blockbuster Movie Season has started off already.  And surprisingly enough, unlike years past, there are quite a few movies that I actually want to see this Summer.  Despite my love for movies, it seems like I make it to the movie theater less and less because Hollywood doesn't crank out a lot of movies I want to see, and even if there is something I want to see, usually it's something not worthy of $10+ for a ticket or something I can wait for the DVD release.  Which explains why my "Best Of" list last year only had 5 movies (and 1 Worst Movie), because that's literally all I've seen.  The only movie that didn't make the list was Boondock Saints II and that was only because I had seen it after I compiled my list.  And really, what other reason would there be for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li for cracking a "Best Of" list.  Luckily, I won't have the problem of putting a crappy (yet enjoyable but for all the wrong reasons) movie on my end-of-year list this year.  So I'm going to go through the Summer release schedule week-by-week (according to IMDB, so if I miss something it's their fault) and pick out what movie I personally would like to see and try to predict which movie everyone will go see.  But somehow, between those two criteria, I probably won't touch upon what movies are actually WORTH seeing.  That's because the general public is stupid yet I still watch crap...just a better kind of crap, I guess.  Anyway, let's start with tomorrow night:

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Is you're cat an oven? if so, finish this sentence: My pants like too...

Yes. My are cat an oven. And I think you finished that sentence for me, you just forgot some punctuation. My pants like, too.

Seriously, is this you Peter Chimaera?

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Mega Movie Review #1 - Murder Set Pieces

Let me preface this review by saying how much I HATE the term "torture porn".  First of all, anyone who says this just comes off like a pretentious douchebag who thinks gory horror movies are beneath them.  What if we used this kind of terminology for other film genres?  Do we call Michael Bay movies "A'splosion-gasms"?  Wait...yeah, I do.  Bad example.  What if the Rocky movies were called "Hardcore Fisting".  I mean, there's enough of them to do the whole "Volume (Insert Number Here)" joke.  Better yet, imagine the epic fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon.  Now imagine if someone called it "Hot Bear On Twink Action".  I bet if someone did that, Chuck Norris would telepathically mind rape you while the ghost of Bruce Lee violates your soul with a One Inch Thrust.  But as bad as all of that is, a bigger reason why I hate "torture porn" is that there is actually torture porn out there!  And it's not cool!  And this is coming from someone who gets aroused at the drop of a hat...literally.  Don't look at me like that.  The hat was dressed like she wanted it.

With that said, if there's any movie that can be considered "torture porn", it's Murder Set Pieces.

(Warning: What follows is not only a full recap of a disturbing movie...but my questionable "Photoshop" skills do come into play.  So not only will this review offend your morals, it might offend your eyes as well.  Reader discretion is advised.)

Monday, April 19, 2010

If you could be any kind of animal, and yet in no way associated with being a furry, what would you be and why?

Thanks for clarifying about the furry business. I want no part in that scene whatsoever. Anyways, to answer your question, I think I'd like to be a monkey. I get to climb trees, eat bananas with my feet and throw poop. Sounds like a sweet life.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Kick-Ass Review, Eating a Double Down and Living To Tell The Tale and Fuckin' Magnets.

Yesterday I did two things I've been looking forward to doing for a few months now.  Chief among the two was going to see Kick-Ass.  I'll have more detailed thoughts on that later but first I wanted to talk about something else.  After months of testing, research and deliberation and after a week or so of waiting, I finally took the plunge.

Yes, I ate a Double Down.  And somehow I'm still here to write this.

Friday, April 16, 2010

If you had to learn a foreign language what would you learn and why?

Japanese, mostly because I'm a sucker for Japanese culture and would love to at least visit there someday. Not to mention everything just sounds cooler in Japanese, don't you think?

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Results Are IN! (Kinda) And Yet More Random Stuff.

Alright, even though there's like less than 24 hours left to go in the poll, considering the fact that the Mega Movie Review is leading the pack and no one has bothered to vote in the last couple days, I'm just gonna say that Mega Movie Review is the winner.  It'll be interesting to see how it turns out as I'm going to be doing this kinda like an experiment, seeing if this sort of format would work well with future reviews.  It might take a little while to do as I have to get reacquainted with the movie (of which I'm keeping a surprise), get screen caps (and possibly .gifs) and hopefully make it funny and enjoyable (and spend more time trying to get things into parentheses) so I have to have it done within a week (PARENTHESES!  DO IT!).  Thanks for voting!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

What's your favorite feature on a female?

Leather upholstery and optional sunroof. But seriously, it depends on the girl. Sometimes I like their eyes. Sometimes I like their smile. I pay attention to the way they do their hair or how they wear what they're wearing. If they can get any combination of the above, even better.

PS - Boobs.

Ask me anything

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A Bunch of Random Crap and YOU Choose My Next Article!

So I don't really know what I'm going to write about here right now, probably just catch you guys up on what I've been doing lately.  Honestly, my motivation to do anything but surf the net for random crap, lurk on Facebook and maybe watch a movie in the background has dropped down to nothing.  I've hardly even logged on to Twitter to post random crap, though that makes sense as hardly anyone follows me on Twitter anyway.  So forgive me if this entry is a bit scatterbrained.

Ryan, seriously, what the fuck is up with giraffes?

What isn't up with giraffes? I bet they don't have to go to the chiropractor.

Ask me anything

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

what are you're thoughts on TNA pushing Eric Young yet letting Christopher Daniels go?

I like Eric Young so I have no problems with them pushing him. But letting Daniels go is a dumb move. He's probably one of the best all-around guys TNA has and can definitely be depended on when all the WCW rejects have a crappy match.

Ask me anything