Piranha 3D Review

This weekend, I made an hour drive to my buddy's place and ended up seeing Piranha 3D for free thanks to a couple of free Fandango passes.  Was it all worth it?  Of course it was!  But I would've willingly paid full price and driven further (OK, maybe not, as I loathe driving) to see it.  Why?  Well read on, true believer!

Mega Movie Review #1 - Murder Set Pieces

Let me preface this review by saying how much I HATE the term "torture porn".  First of all, anyone who says this just comes off like a pretentious douchebag who thinks gory horror movies are beneath them.  What if we used this kind of terminology for other film genres?  Do we call Michael Bay movies "A'splosion-gasms"?  Wait...yeah, I do.  Bad example.  What if the Rocky movies were called "Hardcore Fisting".  I mean, there's enough of them to do the whole "Volume (Insert Number Here)" joke.  Better yet, imagine the epic fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon.  Now imagine if someone called it "Hot Bear On Twink Action".  I bet if someone did that, Chuck Norris would telepathically mind rape you while the ghost of Bruce Lee violates your soul with a One Inch Thrust.  But as bad as all of that is, a bigger reason why I hate "torture porn" is that there is actually torture porn out there!  And it's not cool!  And this is coming from someone who gets aroused at the drop of a hat...literally.  Don't look at me like that.  The hat was dressed like she wanted it.

With that said, if there's any movie that can be considered "torture porn", it's Murder Set Pieces.

(Warning: What follows is not only a full recap of a disturbing movie...but my questionable "Photoshop" skills do come into play.  So not only will this review offend your morals, it might offend your eyes as well.  Reader discretion is advised.)