Sarcasmatron @ The Movies: The Lost Episode - Iron Monkey 2

For those of you who visit Sarcasmatron regularly (all 5 of you), you may have noticed I haven't put up a shitty movie podcast with my friends and I for the past few months.  Actually, we did record one in January but nothing ever really came of it for a multitude of reasons.  First of all, I wasn't even involved in the recording, with the exception of supplying the movie.  Yup, I'm not even on record for this one.  You see, I was on some medication at the time that made me very sleepy for some reason (as if I needed to sleep MORE).  So I took the medication, went over to Gabe's to record it, ate some BBQ and could not stay awake.  So, knowing my friends, I left the recording in their capable hands.  And Chase, who supplied the recording equipment, didn't get the mp3 file to me until late February/early March.  But considering the frequency I check my email, I didn't get it until a week or so ago.  Seriously, I'm listening to it as I'm typing up this intro and this is honestly the first time I've listened to it.  So with the exception of Chase, and everyone else recording though I doubt they remember all they said, you're all listening to this about the same time I am.  But so far, it's pretty fun.  Anyway, I kinda figured that after so long, the recording would be lost into the ether or buried into a time capsule for future generations to unearth.  But considering how many people read this site now (all 5 of you), I doubt there'll be much more in the future so I might as well just release this now.

Sarcasmatron @ The Movies: The Fantastic 4 (1994)

After a week or so, our second Sarcasmatron @ The Movies podcast is finally up.  This time, the gang and I decided to review the unreleased (officially, at least) Fantastic 4 movie made in the early 1990's with no intent on it ever seeing the light of day.

Go to the blip.tv page HERE

OR

Download the mp3 HERE

Random Movie Roundup: Part...Whatever

I know it seems like a while since I've done much of anything on Sarcasmatron but I haven't forgotten to update...at least not completely.  I haven't really been watching a lot of movies lately but I still have a stack of 'em here accumulating over the past month or so just waiting to be reviewed a bit, even if it's half-assed.  In addition, I just recorded a podcast review with some other members of the V1kM crew for a movie that I'm keeping under wraps.  But believe me, it won't take me as long to post this one than it did for the Super Mario Bros. podcast.  Now if I can just pay more attention to writing up some mini-reviews instead of watching every episode of Pawn Stars that Netflix can stream or playing Fallout New Vegas, then I might get a decent Random Movie Roundup out of this.

The First "Sarcasmatron @ The Movies" Podcast is UP!

Alright, I know I've mentioned doing a podcast for the blog before, especially since we recorded one a good couple weeks ago and I haven't been motivated enough to actually post it.  Well, wonder no more because I have finally posted the first in a series which I like to call "Sarcasmatron @ The Movies" to blip.tv.  The more you listen to this, it will become plainly obvious that this is a trial run.  If we get enough listeners and receive enough feedback, then we'll keep doing them.  Trust me, I have plenty of bad movies to choose from.

Unfortunately, I'm apparently having issues with posting an embedded player on the blog, here's your options:

Go to the blip.tv page HERE

or

Download the mp3 HERE

The Most Depressing Review of Jackass 3D Ever

So I just got back from watching Jackass 3D...why am I so bummed? 

Halloween Random Movie Roundup

I hope all of you are having a great Halloween season.  Me?  Well, personally it's been probably the worst Halloween on record, which sucks to say considering Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year.  I had a small get-together with friends on Friday but on Saturday night, the big "party" night, I had nothing.  So I opted to treat myself with a mini-marathon of horror movies but I probably tricked myself instead, considering the titles I chose to partake in.  So before I depress myself even further, let's dive in to this installment of Random Movie Roundup, starting with the three movies I chose for my mini-marathon.

Sweetest Day Random Movie Roundup

For any regular readers out there (once again, if there is such a thing here), I must apologize for the lack of content these past few weeks.  I've had a deadly combination of "lack of motivation" and "literally nothing interesting to write about", hence why you're getting yet another Random Movie Roundup.  However, last weekend I recorded a movie podcast along with fellow notables from the Veterans of a Thousand Midnights crew.  The reason it's not up is because I'm having trouble finding a suitable host for it.  Whether it's paying for hosting (which I definitely can't afford to do right now) or low memory requirements (just our one podcast would take up almost half the allotted memory at some places), I'm trying to weigh all the pros and cons.  If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

Until then, have a look at some of the movies I've watched recently.  Hey, it's Sweetest Day.  What the hell else am I supposed to do today?

Nic-Cellence: The Films of Nicolas Cage - #1 Ghost Rider

In what may become a regular installment of Sarcasmatron, I will pay tribute to one of the greatest actors of our generation: Sir Nicolas Cage.  And yes, I realize that I'm about as "regular" as a once a week crap so I don't know how often my homage-paying will be but I hope this will at least be the start of something fun.  So let's get started with the first film chosen by you, the readers...well, READER since only one of you voted.  But before we begin, let me talk about about the way I'll be judging this film and determining if they are worthy of "Nic-Cellence."

Piranha 3D Review

This weekend, I made an hour drive to my buddy's place and ended up seeing Piranha 3D for free thanks to a couple of free Fandango passes.  Was it all worth it?  Of course it was!  But I would've willingly paid full price and driven further (OK, maybe not, as I loathe driving) to see it.  Why?  Well read on, true believer!

Scott Pilgrim vs The Expendables: A Movie Review x2

Though I probably already mentioned this in my previous Summer Movie Rundown (or whatever the hell I called it back then), I keep hearing a lot of people saying how horrible this movie season is this Summer.  And I don't get it.  Case in point, I saw two, count 'em TWO, movies this weekend, whereas in previous years I wouldn't see two movies the entire Summer!  Hell, I could've made it three for the week if I had gone and seen The Other Guys with a few friends but that's one I don't mind waiting until video for.  But the movies I felt that couldn't wait were The Expendables, a movie I've been looking forward to for months, and Scott Pilgrim vs The World, a movie I was interested in seeing as I felt it could've been really good or really horrible.

But before I go into those two movies, I'll go into some of the trailers that I saw and see if there's anything worth looking forward to in the next few months.

The Return of Random Movie Roundup and More!

I realize that I haven't really written much lately, having not put anything up in a few weeks and probably nothing resembling a full-blown review or article in a month or longer.  I'm sorry, my motivation for writing (or doing much of anything, really) has hit a new low so that's why I've been away.  But at least some people are still reading this (hopefully) because somehow I've just now reached over 1,000 hits total.  Thanks guys!  As a present, here's a new Random Movie Roundup with a new batch of movies!  Yeah, I know it's a shitty present, so just pretend I'm your grandma and shut up and pretend you like it, OK?

The A-Team Mini-Review and Other Things I've Watched Lately

This one's going to be a bit of a quickie...well, I say that NOW but you know my tendency to ramble on about nothing in particular.  But I figured I'd get this one out of the way right away and real quick while it's still fresh on my mind. 

Anyway, I decided to check out The A-Team last night with a few friends and it was quite fun.  But as much as I liked it, there's not really a lot to talk about, which is another reason why this blog entry may run a bit short.  The A-Team is very much a "What You See Is What You Get"-type of movie.  If you've seen the trailers, you can pretty much tell whether or not you want to see it.  If you want to see it, you'll know exactly what you're in for.  And if you don't, there's nothing that's going to make you change your mind.  Simply put, if you think people shooting airplanes out of the sky from a parachuting tank is awesome, then you'll love the movie.  If you think it's dumb, then you'll hate it.  Simple as that. 

Mega Movie Review #1 - Murder Set Pieces

Let me preface this review by saying how much I HATE the term "torture porn".  First of all, anyone who says this just comes off like a pretentious douchebag who thinks gory horror movies are beneath them.  What if we used this kind of terminology for other film genres?  Do we call Michael Bay movies "A'splosion-gasms"?  Wait...yeah, I do.  Bad example.  What if the Rocky movies were called "Hardcore Fisting".  I mean, there's enough of them to do the whole "Volume (Insert Number Here)" joke.  Better yet, imagine the epic fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon.  Now imagine if someone called it "Hot Bear On Twink Action".  I bet if someone did that, Chuck Norris would telepathically mind rape you while the ghost of Bruce Lee violates your soul with a One Inch Thrust.  But as bad as all of that is, a bigger reason why I hate "torture porn" is that there is actually torture porn out there!  And it's not cool!  And this is coming from someone who gets aroused at the drop of a hat...literally.  Don't look at me like that.  The hat was dressed like she wanted it.

With that said, if there's any movie that can be considered "torture porn", it's Murder Set Pieces.

(Warning: What follows is not only a full recap of a disturbing movie...but my questionable "Photoshop" skills do come into play.  So not only will this review offend your morals, it might offend your eyes as well.  Reader discretion is advised.)