My Top 5 Hot Chicks At The Moment (or Why I'll Probably Remain Single)

Due to my perpetual single-hood, my taste in women has come under question many times.  Or rather, the fact that people tend to think I'm "too picky" or that I have "high standards".  And to that, I call bullshit.  Trust me, it doesn't take much to get me attracted to a girl.  Hell, usually all it takes is for one to pay attention to me for a fraction of a second.  But besides that, I don't think it's that people think I have high standards but instead, people believe I shouldn't have ANY standards at all.  They think that since I'm a virgin, I should just give it up to some random hambeast and get it over with.  And before you say that I'm reading too much into people's comments, people have actually told me this.  Stupid people, but people nonetheless.  Anyway, I figured that due to my current dating situation (which I've kept pretty mum about it on here besides a few snide remarks and that whole Pick-Up Artist thing), I feel a duty to talk about the girls out there that are currently getting my attention in an effort for you to more accurately judge me and my so-called "high standards".  Therefore I've made a list of the Top 5 Girls I Wanna Hook Up With At This Particular Moment.  Keep in mind that I do realize there's no way a guy like me would ever be able to hook up with any of these fine ladies, even if they've lost 3 or more limbs.  Which is why I'm currently on the lookout for vats full of radioactive money and giant penises to fall in so that I may become a superhero, to be known henceforth as The Goddamn Dickman.

Wrestlemania 26, The Game (the book, not Triple H) and A Bunch of Crappy Movies.

Any wrestling fans reading this knows that last night was the biggest night of the year for the business as it was time for Wrestlemania 26.  Regardless of whether or not the event is any good (believe me, there are some Wrestlemanias that outright suck *cough*#9*cough*), there's always excitement in the air.  Even though I haven't really seen too many Wrestlemanias live (the only ones I can recall are 14, 18 and 22), I figured it'd be fun to get a few of my friends together and watch it last night.  But we ran into a few hangups along the way.  I had been calling around for places in town that might be playing it but could only think of Buffalo Wild Wings and Hooters, neither of which were playing it, opting only for UFC pay-per-views.  So eff you B-Dubs!  At least Hooters has skanky waitresses for the whole family.  Then we debated ordering it but none of us have actual cable boxes, just cable connections.  So then we finally decided to get WWE.com's live stream of it and hook it up to my friend's 50-something inch HD flat-screen.  While the output of the computer looked spectacular on his TV, the live stream was just OK, made slightly worse by the fact that the highest speed option kept buffering out on us so we opted on the next option down, taking a small hit in quality so that we could watch it uninterrupted.  Ah well, it still looked pretty good though.  Anyways, here's the results and a few of my random-ass observations accompanying them:

The Pick-Up Artist Debacle

So here I sit on a February 14th morn, eating Oreos and milk for breakfast and typing away at my blog with no other plans for the day other than watching movies or maybe picking up a video game, possibly doing another job search (as if I weren't depressed already).  Truth be told, I've never celebrated Valentine's Day once in my life for a simple reason: I've never needed to.  Anyone who knows me knows I don't attract the ladies.  I'm kind, fairly funny and alright looking (believe me, it's taken me years to build myself up to become that modest) but usually either they don't notice me or I straight-up repel them away.  To make things worse, the few girls that I have attracted I just plain wasn't attracted to beyond being friends and hanging out.  I've never thought about them as romantic material, which I'm sure is some sort of reverse karma for all the girls that never thought of me at romantic material.  Believe me, I feel the pervasive sense of hypocrisy on my part.  Anyway, I've only had two "girlfriends", each of them dumping me after two months with the excuse of me being "too nice".  Yup.  So, with me not having any type of meaningful relationship, it's really hard to go about getting one when I don't know what I'm doing.  I needed help, professional help, simple as that.

Enter a goon with a fuzzy hat and goggles.

I don't really like using Sarcasmatron as a personal forum as I want people to laugh and be entertained.  I have done personal blogs for people to read but 1) It doesn't solve any of my problems and 2) No one gives a crap.  This will probably be the most personal entry on here but I feel it fits as it does have to deal partly with the entertainment industry.  So gather 'round as I tell the tale about how I almost-kinda-sorta-didn't-really get on The Pick-Up Artist.