Scott Pilgrim vs The Expendables: A Movie Review x2

Though I probably already mentioned this in my previous Summer Movie Rundown (or whatever the hell I called it back then), I keep hearing a lot of people saying how horrible this movie season is this Summer.  And I don't get it.  Case in point, I saw two, count 'em TWO, movies this weekend, whereas in previous years I wouldn't see two movies the entire Summer!  Hell, I could've made it three for the week if I had gone and seen The Other Guys with a few friends but that's one I don't mind waiting until video for.  But the movies I felt that couldn't wait were The Expendables, a movie I've been looking forward to for months, and Scott Pilgrim vs The World, a movie I was interested in seeing as I felt it could've been really good or really horrible.

But before I go into those two movies, I'll go into some of the trailers that I saw and see if there's anything worth looking forward to in the next few months.

Devil - This played before both Scott Pilgrim and The Expendables and got different reactions during each.  Basically, the gist of this is that it's an M. Night Shamwow movie that takes place inside of an elevator.  Yup.  I guess the elevator makes people go crazy or something (Don't mind if I do!) but I'm sure it'll turn into an escalator by the end of the movie or something stupid.  In fact, during the Scott Pilgrim showing, when M. Night's name popped up, a good 60% of the audience let out a collective groan, which I thought was awesome, whereas it was met with silence (or hopefully ambivalence) by the Expendables audience.  Pass.

Skyline - This one was nothing more than a teaser that looked like a ripoff of either Independence Day, District 9 or both.  I could be totally wrong but hey, it's a teaser.  And this is a good case as to why teaser trailers don't work on something that's not a pre-established commodity...because no one knows what the fuck is going on otherwise.  I really hope this ends up being about sentient chili and spaghetti.  Pass.

Jackass 3D - This got the biggest reaction during both movies, and rightfully so.  Because people enjoy watching other people get hurt.  With the exception of a few stunts, some of them seem kinda weak but I'm sure they can't even show the good stuff yet unless they put out a red band trailer.  But still, this is a must see for me.  High five!  Go.

Going The Distance - This one has Drew Barrymore and Justin Long in a stupid romantic comedy about long-distance relationships.  It looks dumb and cookie-cutter as hell, but with one exception...it has Charlie from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia in it as the guy's best friend (and third wheel, a position I know all too well).  Pretty much all the laughs in this trailer came from him, which is a good sign.  But I bet he won't even be in half the movie.  Still, Charlie or no Charlie, it's still an atypical romantic comedy.  Pass. 

It's Kind Of A Funny Story - Yup, that's actually the title of the movie.  Honestly, when it popped up, I thought it was the tagline but nope.  Anyway, I thought this had some promise at the beginning, as it has Zach Galifinaikis as a mental patient who helps a kid in his late teens who checked himself in due to stress.  And it wasn't normal wacky Zach either but it felt like he put in a heartfelt performance (which sadly reminded me of one of my friends who passed away too soon).  But when the "quirky" indie music and hand-drawn credit sequence kicked in, I just groaned and thought "Oh, it's one of THOSE movies".  Bleh.  Ruined anything good it might've had for me.  Pass.


Buried - Yet again another teaser trailer.  This one worked a little better than Skyline, simply showing a dark screen as someone called the police until the line cut out, and they lit a lighter, revealing them to be buried alive.  Ok, so it came off like something out of Kill Bill Vol. 2 (which I'm sure came out of yet another movie) but still, effective for the more claustrophobic in the audience.  But still, no info as to who's in it or who's directing or anything.  Plus, I noticed the date at the bottom was for last year, making me think this is like a re-release or a foreign film or something.  But I literally know nothing about it and the trailer didn't help.  Pass.

Piranha 3D - I don't care if this looks like a glorified Made for SyFy movie, I'm seeing this.  Flesh eating fish + Christopher Lloyd = Must See.  If they play it as a cheesy, campy drive-in flick (which it sounds like they are), then Piranha 3D will be awesome.  Go.

Machete - Danny Fuckin' Trejo Esq.?  Yes please.  Go.

With all of that out of the way, it's time for me to start with Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, which I saw on Friday.  I know I've said this plenty of times, whether it was on here or various other places online but I went into Scott Pilgrim with a bit of "optimistic trepidation", so to speak.  On the plus side, the premise of a boy fighting his girlfriend's 7 super-powered evil exes is an awesome premise and also, after Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, I'm a pretty big fan of Edgar Wright and felt he could pull something like this off.  But on the other hand, the trailer made the movie look a very needlessly stylized and I felt that the whole video-game-nerd-culture thing was just being played for a gimmick.  And also, I'm getting REALLY tired of Michael Cera.  I liked him in Arrested Development a lot (which I didn't see until well after its original run) but his refusal to play any other type of character since has really hurt him in my eyes, not to mention that he's seemingly everywhere now because of his typecasting (See Also: Seth Rogen).

Fortunately, though Cera still plays the same type of character, it fits like a glove in Scott Pilgrim.  Now, I haven't read the original comics so I don't know if the movie Scott is the same as comic Scott but Cera really brings a lot of humanity to the part.  It's a stronger character than probably anything he's played since.  Yeah, he comes off as a gawky, lovesick puppy-dog loser, but he gains strength throughout the movie and becomes quite badass, which I'm sure the intent was for Youth In Revolt but since I refuse to see it, I don't know if it works there.  But it does here.  In fact, all of the performances are great.  If I wasn't in love with Mary Elizabeth Winstead before, I definitely am now with her portrayal of Ramona (even if she does come off as cold-hearted at times).  Chris Evans, the once Human Torch and future Captain America, as well as previous Superman Brandon Routh are hilarious as two of the evil ex-boyfriends, with Evans portraying a Wolverine-esque bad boy actor while Routh playing a vegan with psychic powers.  Yeah, you heard me.  In fact, about the only character I didn't really like all that much was Kim, one of Scott's ex-girlfriends and the drummer for his band.  She was a little too needlessly snarky and bitter at times and they didn't really go too in-depth in her and Scott's relationship but I'm sure it would've come off as fluff compared to the main story anyways.

Anyway, back to the whole "vegan with psychic powers" thing, as I'm sure that was a red flag for any of you hipster-haters like myself as a reason not to go see this.  While there are some hipster moments in the movie, Edgar Wright is brilliant in playing it off as parody more often than not.  In fact, the whole "vegan" thing brings up one of the funniest parts in the whole movie: The Vegan Police.  I won't spoil it for you guys but trust me, it's something totally random yet completely hilarious and welcome in the movie.  As for the style of the movie, it's not quite as in-your-face as the trailer would lead you to believe but when it shows up, it works.  It almost always only shows up during the battles, which makes the movie feel like a video game.  And there are plenty of video game nods to all you nerds out there, from an 8-bit version of the Universal logo at the beginning to various sound effects from classic games to bands with names like Clash At Demonhead and Crash and the Boys ("You know, that band...with Crash...and the boys.").  Also, this movie is INSANELY quotable, but I don't want to get too into it.  I'll just leave it up to you to see it for yourself.

So does this get my recommendation?  Of course!  I went into it almost prepared for it to suck but it ended up being one of my favorite movies of the year.  Honestly, in my running tally of movies this year, I think it falls somewhere between Kick-Ass and Iron Man 2.  And since Kick-Ass was my favorite movie of the year, that's quite a glowing recommendation.  Honestly, it's not just because it was a fun movie or it had cool graphics and felt like a video game come to life or whatever.  It's because of what the movie made me feel.  It wanted me to start a band.  It wanted me to kick some ass with inexplicably gained superpowers.  It made me want to be in a video game.  But more importantly, it made me want to fall in love...and actually work out for once.  The only real complaint I have with the movie is that the script I'm working on right now seems way too similar to this, so I might have to scrap it and start over.  Boo-urns.  Anyway, this gets an A from me all the way.

As for The Expendables, I'm sorry to say that I can't heap upon nearly as much praise.  And it almost hurts to say that considering how much I've been looking forward to this movie.  If you didn't know, this was pretty much supposed to be the manliest movie of the year, with a cast that includes Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Randy Couture and Terry Crews (aka The Old Spice Guy).  And in that aspect, it definitely succeeds.  This movie is definitely fueled on testosterone...but that's about it as it felt like there was no mind-power or thought put into The Expendables at all.

Now, I know I'm going to get tons of flack for that remark, so let me clarify,  I definitely went into The Expendables expecting a mindless action flick that hearkens back to the '80s...and I got that...kinda.  But after an epic opening sequence where Dolph Lundgren somehow cleaves a guy in twain with a shotgun, there isn't really much that happens until the final battle except for a few small spikes in action.  In other words, too much talky, not enough explodey.  In fact, this is how the movie goes for the most part: Awesome opening sequence, 15-20 minutes of nothing, something explodes, 15 minutes of nothing, a cool fight scene, 15-20 minutes of nothing, epic climax, end of movie.  That's about it.  And it's not like I'm complaining about there being too much plot, but instead too much time being devoted to a plot that could easily be explained once in like 10 minutes.  I expect movies like this to have paper-thin plots and one-dimensional characters, but not this badly.  And some of the writing is pretty horrible to, with some of the worst one-liners I've ever heard.  Of course, the big one was Stallone saying that Arnold Schwarzenegger's cameo (which you've already seen in the trailer, he doesn't show up anywhere else) character "wanted to be President."  Of course, it got a big laugh from everyone except my friends and I.  In fact, I wanted to yell out "I DON'T GET IT!" as I tend to do with stupidly-obvious jokes such as that but I restrained myself.  I should be rewarded.

But if we're going to talk pure action, then you'll definitely like it.  You'll just want more, is all.  Instead of all the guys being on the same team like originally thought, it basically goes like this:  Sly, Statham and Li are the main crew (despite Li literally doing nothing until halfway through the movie) while Crews and Couture are relegated to the B-Team but still get to shine during the climax.  Mickey Rourke is a former running buddy that lets them hang out at his tattoo/bike shop.  Dolph Lundgren is the "loose cannon" that ends up turning on the crew after getting kicked out (not a spoiler, this happens pretty early on), Steve Austin plays the muscle to the main bad buy (Eric Roberts, who makes a great smarmy '80s bad guy) while Bruce Willis and Ah-nuld just make the cameos that you've already seen in the trailer.  It plays up an interesting dynamic and creates a few dream matches that I didn't even know I wanted.  Jet Li and Dolph have a freaking awesome fight scene about half-way through and Austin gets to fight with both Stallone and Couture during the final battle.  In some extra added manliness, lesser known martial arts star Gary Daniels shows up as another one of Eric Roberts' bodyguards while Couture's fellow Mixed Martial Artist Antonio Rodgrigo Noguiera shows up as one of the bad guy's henchmen (though I totally didn't see him or remember which character he was).

As for character development, there's not much but there's some.  Stallone basically plays Rambo, which makes sense as this movie was originally intended as a sequel.  Statham is supposed to have a sensitive side, evident by a couple scenes with a girlfriend, but they're quickly forgotten.  He's much better suited flinging knives and being Statham.  Jet Li kicks things, fades into the background and talks like a child.  And there are your leads, ladies and gentlemen.  Honestly, the best character in the movie is Dolph Lundgren, who is pretty much crazy and badass.  Mickey Rourke gets a pretty nice speech to show his acting chops off but it's kinda wasted in this movie.  Austin works well as a bodyguard for Eric Roberts' main bad guy, who like I said is pretty good in his own right.  And that's about it.  Really, I can give the character development a pass since this is obviously an action flick.  It's just that there's not enough action to save it.

I really don't know if I feel like I'm completely justified in complaining about The Expendables but it reminded me of another movie I saw a few years back: The Forbidden Kingdom.  When that movie came out, you surely and automatically thought "Holy crap, Jackie Chan and Jet Li in the same movie?  This is gonna be the greatest kung fu movie of all time!"  But then it basically ended up being a glorified after-school special with Eastern mythology thrown in.  That's how I feel with The Expendables.  I thought it was going to be non-stop explosions and dude-stabbin'.  Don't get me wrong, when that stuff happens, it's quite good.  It just doesn't happen enough. 

Not to say that I've seen any bad movies this year but The Expendables has to be near the bottom of my list.  Really, the movie only had two things going for it: over-the-top action and the '80s throwback feel.  But the over-the-top action was done better in The A-Team and the '80s throwback feel was done better in Predators.  If only The Expendables had followed Hannibal's classic advice of "Overkill is underrated", this could've been one of the best movies of the summer.  But it didn't.  The Expendables is worth seeing, but honestly, wait until video.  I guess I'll give it a C+.

Other than those movies, there's not much I've been doing.  I have started my Ghost Rider review so hopefully I'll have that up sometime this week (gee, how many times have I said something like that lately?).  Plus, I did snag the Game of the Year Edition of Fallout 3 so I've been playing that too.  But my roommate has been playing it a lot more than I have.  Actually, I think I might do that now.  See you guys later!