What's stopping you from going back to school and getting your bachelors?

Kinda personal one there but OK. First of all, I thought my Associate's would be enough...but then I moved out from the middle of Cornfield-vania and out into the oh-so-dreaded "real world" and realized I was gravely mistaken. Now, I just don't have the money to go back. Simple as that. And I really don't want to take out massive amounts of loans because about the only part of my life that doesn't suck is the fact that I have zero debt (except from a few recent hospital bills).

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

So, Guess Who Made It On TV After All?

Me, that's who!

Live Report: WWE Raw 5-23-10

I suppose it's only apropos that I'm writing this on National Geek/Nerd Pride Day.  Of course, I pride myself on being quite the geek...just not in the traditional sense.  For example, today is also Towel Day (for fans of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) and Star Wars Day was earlier this month.  But I myself have never read any of Douglas Adams books or even seen all of the Star Wars movies to completion.  I've only seen The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi in bits and pieces but all of those bits probably add up to seeing them multiple times.  Plus, I fell asleep during the last half-hour of Episode III.  So you see, science-fictiony stuff like this doesn't really grab my attention like it does for most nerds.  But thankfully there's so many things out there that you can be a nerd over practically anything.  All it really takes is a intelligent, persistent and fervent interest in something.  I consider myself a little bit of a computer nerd (at least enough to build my current PC out of random cheap parts), a geek for horror and action films, cheesy or not (Geek-sploitation, perhaps?) and a huge nerd for heavy metal music.  But I'm sure the one that trumps them all is my geek-dom for professional wrestling.  Much like most Star Wars fans, my fandom for pro wrestling started young.  I'm nearing 27 years old and I'm sure I've been a fan for 20 of those years, probably more.  However, despite watching it over the years and amassing quite the DVD collection (though its probably not much compared to other die-hard fans), I have NEVER been to a live wrestling show.  My parents never took me to any growing up and now that I can go to them on my own, I always seem to be broke or something when they pass through my area.  But when WWE announced that they would be airing a live episode of Raw from the new arena in Toledo, I kinda HAD to go.

Your favourite song of all times and why?

Even though I try to listen to a lot of music, I think I'm gonna go with my standby answer and pick "One" by Metallica. It's nice and long and epic. Plus the video scared me when I was little and still kinda gets to me now.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Random Concert Review: Horse The Band/MC Chris 5-14-10

I usually don't go to concerts all that much, partially because I dislike being in large groups of sweaty people but mostly because a good chunk of the bands that I listen to don't pass through my area.  Really, the closest they come is Detroit...and Detroit scares me.  I think I can literally count all the major concerts (not counting local bands and "Battle of the Bands" competitions and such) on one hand.  Let's see:  there was the Headbanger's Ball tour show in Detroit with Cradle of Filth/Arch Enemy/Bleeding Through/Himsa mere days after the on-stage murder of former Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell; there was the Coheed and Cambria/Dillinger Escape Plan show in Toledo where Dillinger was missing a guitarist due to illness (which never happens) and therefore kinda sucked so lead singer Greg Puciato decided to make it up (to a crowd filled of mostly 15 year old girls that didn't care anyway) by climbing up a shaky stack of amps and almost breaking his neck; and a random Mustard Plug show in Bowling Green that I didn't really plan on going to anyways but was still pretty fun.  And I think that's it.  Believe me, there's plenty of other ones I missed out on, like TWO different Halloween shows from Mindless Self Indulgence (one of which was supposed to have Dog Fashion Disco as support only to have them break up in the weeks leading up to the show) and a recent show with Hyper Crush...and a couple other bands I didn't care about).  So when I heard that Horse The Band, one of my Top 10 favorite bands (if not Top 5) was making a stop in Toledo due to a canceled show, I kinda had to show up...even if I didn't hear about it until the day before showtime.  Yup, Horse The Band managed to get booked on a show already headlined by MC Chris (of Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force fame) at the last second in order to make up for a canceled gig.

Who do you most admire and why?

Abraham Lincoln. I'm not even exactly sure why either. I know he abolished slavery and all, which was awesome. It could be the awesome beard. It may be the fact that I still have a tiny cheap-ass figurine of him that I got at the dentist's office and still display it on my desk because I think it's so cool. Abraham Lincoln kinda seems like the ultimate human being.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Matter Eating. No, it's not something I made up for all you non-comic geeks. Look up Matter-Eater Lad. It seems like such a useless power. "Oh hey, the city's in trouble. Let me eat this fire hydrant!"

That or Chainsaw Fingers. I'd imagine that's pretty useless too.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

My Top 5 Hot Chicks At The Moment (or Why I'll Probably Remain Single)

Due to my perpetual single-hood, my taste in women has come under question many times.  Or rather, the fact that people tend to think I'm "too picky" or that I have "high standards".  And to that, I call bullshit.  Trust me, it doesn't take much to get me attracted to a girl.  Hell, usually all it takes is for one to pay attention to me for a fraction of a second.  But besides that, I don't think it's that people think I have high standards but instead, people believe I shouldn't have ANY standards at all.  They think that since I'm a virgin, I should just give it up to some random hambeast and get it over with.  And before you say that I'm reading too much into people's comments, people have actually told me this.  Stupid people, but people nonetheless.  Anyway, I figured that due to my current dating situation (which I've kept pretty mum about it on here besides a few snide remarks and that whole Pick-Up Artist thing), I feel a duty to talk about the girls out there that are currently getting my attention in an effort for you to more accurately judge me and my so-called "high standards".  Therefore I've made a list of the Top 5 Girls I Wanna Hook Up With At This Particular Moment.  Keep in mind that I do realize there's no way a guy like me would ever be able to hook up with any of these fine ladies, even if they've lost 3 or more limbs.  Which is why I'm currently on the lookout for vats full of radioactive money and giant penises to fall in so that I may become a superhero, to be known henceforth as The Goddamn Dickman.

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

Around the ankles, maybe? Then again, I don't know why just the toes would be gone, so let's say the whole foot is gone too. I doubt they'd just wrap it around the leg like some sort of garter, so maybe the fingers?

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Do you still have tonsils?

Yes, and I feel guilty when there are so many poor people in this world that go through life without tonsils. Maybe I should donate mine.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

What should I have for you to love me forever?

A copy of Mario Kart 64. I lost mine. :-(

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Iron Man 2 Review

Alright, so like any decent person should have, I went and saw Iron Man 2 last night (deciding against going to see the Midnight showing on Thursday) and I have to say, I liked it but I wasn't blown away like I hoped I would.  I apologize if this review is a bit short and thrown together but I'm writing this when I should be getting stuff together to visit my mom this weekend for Mother's Day.  

If you had to choose between punching a hipster and punching a ghetto thug, without fear of retribution from either, which would you choose? Choosing both is not an option.

Punching a hipster BY FAR! I can't even measure how far of a margin it would be. And that's not even factoring in that a ghetto thug would probably kill me if I punched him. Hipsters exist solely to be beaten. At least ghetto thugs have supplied our civilization with "sampling".

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Can you give me a mock session of how you would teach sex education to a child?

Me: 'Sup kid.
Kid: 'Sup.
Me: So...um...the Internet wants to know how I'd teach you about the birds and the bees.
Kid: You mean, like doing it?
Me.: Yup.
Kid: Don't worry about it. I've already had sex more times than you anyways.
Me: Fair enough. Good talk.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

No. However, it is rude if they are holding food in their hands while signing.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?

Iron Man 2, hopefully.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Random Quickie: What I'm Doing and What's Ahead

Hey readers.  I just now realized that I need some sort of endearing/insulting name for my readerbase.  Sarcasmites?  Sarcasmatroglodytes?  But first, I need to get a readerbase to begin with.  Anyway, I hope you guys liked my look at the Summer Movie Season this past weekend.  Plus I'm glad to see some of you enjoyed my review of Murder Set Pieces from a few weeks back...all 3 of you.  There was one person who chose the "Too long, didn't read" option, which I'm surprised no one else picked.  I will be doing another movie review soon but will be toying around with a slightly different (and possibly shorter) format.  Once again, I'll be keeping this movie a surprise but this time I think it'll definitely get more of a reaction than "Man Stabs Whores: The Movie".  But before I do that, I think I'm going to do my "Favorite Hot Chicks" article first.  It's just something I kinda want to get out of my system now, plus it'll be an excuse to post gratuitous pics of girls for no real reason.  Anyway, I'm not going to do a major blog here right now (especially considering I just finished a two-parter that I didn't realize would be a two-parter).  This one is just a recap of what I've been up to lately.

A Look At The 2010 Summer Movie Season - Part 2

Before I start looking at the movies opening in July and August, I will say that I actually did go to the theaters last night.  And what did I see?  Well it wasn't The Human Centipede since there were no places near me playing it.  And it wasn't Nightmare On Elm Street because reviews haven't been kind (going so far as someone from the New York Times saying "this is why your generation sucks", which is a statement I need to make more often).  Surprisingly, the only person I've found that actually liked the Elm Street remake was The Cinema Snob.  I usually trust his opinion so I may check it out on DVD someday but I'm in no rush.  So what did I see?  Kick Ass.  Yup, for a second time.  And it was just as awesome as I remembered it.  I rarely go see a movie in theaters more than once.  The only movies I can remember going to see twice were Spider-Man and Jackass: The Movie.  Other than Nightmare on Elm Street and Kick Ass, the only real option presented to my friends and I was The Losers.  I was pretty psyched up to see The Losers a few weeks ago but Kick Ass looked so much better, even when presented with the decision of going to see it a second time.  And with opinions ranging from "Don't bother" to "Pretty good", with no one saying "OH MY GOD! You have to see this movie right now!", I figured I can wait until DVD.  I'm pretty psyched for Iron Man 2 next weekend and would like to see it in IMAX but I think the only IMAX theater near me is in Detroit.  And who wants to go to Detroit?

Anyway, let's dive back in, starting with July: