In Which I Brag About All The Stuff I Got For Christmas

Hey all, I hope you've all had a great Christmas season.  At first, I was a bit worried that I wouldn't due to me not having any Christmas spirit at all.  Over the years, it seemed as if my capability of feeling good and having the so-called "Christmas spirit" has gone down.  The novelty of Christmas music has faded a long time ago due to having it crammed down my throat while working years of retail and customer service.  I'm getting to the age where I don't really want much that I can't get myself.  And even buying presents for others, normally I'd be glad to shop for my family (particularly my nieces and nephews) but I get down on myself wanting to get them more than I can afford.  Also, much like last year, I actually didn't have anything to do on Christmas Day due to my family's celebrations schedule being shifted around.  But thankfully I did get to spend time with my family.  And even though I wasn't expecting to get much, I received more than enough presents.  Of course, I couldn't get the things I really want in life: namely a better paying job and a decent girl that won't ignore me or run away whenever I try to talk to her.  But until those come, I guess I have plenty else to occupy my time with.

Sarcasmatron @ The Movies: The Fantastic 4 (1994)

After a week or so, our second Sarcasmatron @ The Movies podcast is finally up.  This time, the gang and I decided to review the unreleased (officially, at least) Fantastic 4 movie made in the early 1990's with no intent on it ever seeing the light of day.

Go to the blip.tv page HERE

OR

Download the mp3 HERE

Random Movie Roundup: Part...Whatever

I know it seems like a while since I've done much of anything on Sarcasmatron but I haven't forgotten to update...at least not completely.  I haven't really been watching a lot of movies lately but I still have a stack of 'em here accumulating over the past month or so just waiting to be reviewed a bit, even if it's half-assed.  In addition, I just recorded a podcast review with some other members of the V1kM crew for a movie that I'm keeping under wraps.  But believe me, it won't take me as long to post this one than it did for the Super Mario Bros. podcast.  Now if I can just pay more attention to writing up some mini-reviews instead of watching every episode of Pawn Stars that Netflix can stream or playing Fallout New Vegas, then I might get a decent Random Movie Roundup out of this.

"African-American" Friday Madness Redux!

Yeah, no, I didn't go shopping early this morning.  I just felt the need to rehash this gimmick just like I did last year.  I was smart and did my shopping online again.  Actually, I literally just got most of my presents bought.  However, when I went to Amazon, I saw that Fallout: New Vegas and Fable III, two games I've been looking forward to playing well before they were released, were knocked down to $35 and $30 respectively.  So I decided to put New Vegas in my cart for the time being while I did the rest of my shopping, planning to just take it back out of the cart at the end once I realized the damage I've done.  But as I continued shopping, I was told that I had only 14 minutes or else New Vegas would go back up to regular price.  Yeesh.  So if there's an online shopping equivalent to just running around and grabbing random stuff, I did that.  Well, I did put SOME thought into my purchases, just not as much as I would've liked.  So I got most of my family taken care of with just a couple gifts left to go.  All in all, I only spent about $70, half of that on myself.  So I'm kinda proud, I guess.

A Whole Lotta Nothin'

I'm not even sure why I'm doing a blog entry when I really don't have much to write about.  Maybe just to show myself I can?  I don't know.  But due to a lethal combination of depression, worry, anxiety, apathy and empathy, my motivation to do much of anything, let alone write, has been sapped from me.  So I don't know why I'm doing this when I could be doing other things.  I could be finishing the script I'm writing for a short film that'll probably never get made.  I have most of it in my head already, I'm just stuck in a spot where I don't feel like continuing.  I could be polishing up some material for stand-up that I've been bouncing around in my brain but I don't know when I'll get up on stage next.  Hell, I haven't even really been watching many movies to write up a half-assed Random Movie Roundup.  For some reason, all I've really watched was the entire run of Viva La Bam, followed up by watching all the Street Fighter films (Sonny Chiba, not the video game) and right now I'm watching some wrestling in the background while writing this.  I'd like to do another podcast soon but with the hectic holiday season, it's harder for my friends to get together for gaming (which I don't even do much of anymore), let alone watching a crappy movie.  I've gotten a few new CDs over the past few months but have opted to do any sort of reviews on them, saving them for the obligatory Year End Best Of list.  But will I even have the motivation for that when the time comes?  It's coming up on a whole year of writing this blog and I never imagined I would have petered out like this.  Maybe I had lofty goals, hoping to be some sort of presence on the Internet like so many reviewers or useless vloggers before me.  But when it seems like life in general is like some sort of losing game, I guess doing something like this pales in comparison in the grand scheme of things.  And I don't know if my certain scheme of things is all that "grand".

I really need something to turn things around soon or else.

The First "Sarcasmatron @ The Movies" Podcast is UP!

Alright, I know I've mentioned doing a podcast for the blog before, especially since we recorded one a good couple weeks ago and I haven't been motivated enough to actually post it.  Well, wonder no more because I have finally posted the first in a series which I like to call "Sarcasmatron @ The Movies" to blip.tv.  The more you listen to this, it will become plainly obvious that this is a trial run.  If we get enough listeners and receive enough feedback, then we'll keep doing them.  Trust me, I have plenty of bad movies to choose from.

Unfortunately, I'm apparently having issues with posting an embedded player on the blog, here's your options:

Go to the blip.tv page HERE

or

Download the mp3 HERE

The Most Depressing Review of Jackass 3D Ever

So I just got back from watching Jackass 3D...why am I so bummed? 

Halloween Random Movie Roundup

I hope all of you are having a great Halloween season.  Me?  Well, personally it's been probably the worst Halloween on record, which sucks to say considering Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year.  I had a small get-together with friends on Friday but on Saturday night, the big "party" night, I had nothing.  So I opted to treat myself with a mini-marathon of horror movies but I probably tricked myself instead, considering the titles I chose to partake in.  So before I depress myself even further, let's dive in to this installment of Random Movie Roundup, starting with the three movies I chose for my mini-marathon.

Sweetest Day Random Movie Roundup

For any regular readers out there (once again, if there is such a thing here), I must apologize for the lack of content these past few weeks.  I've had a deadly combination of "lack of motivation" and "literally nothing interesting to write about", hence why you're getting yet another Random Movie Roundup.  However, last weekend I recorded a movie podcast along with fellow notables from the Veterans of a Thousand Midnights crew.  The reason it's not up is because I'm having trouble finding a suitable host for it.  Whether it's paying for hosting (which I definitely can't afford to do right now) or low memory requirements (just our one podcast would take up almost half the allotted memory at some places), I'm trying to weigh all the pros and cons.  If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

Until then, have a look at some of the movies I've watched recently.  Hey, it's Sweetest Day.  What the hell else am I supposed to do today?

Where I've Been and Another Random Movie Roundup

I still don't know if I even have any "regular readers" here but for anyone that was worried that I haven't put anything up in over two weeks, I'll let you know.  Even though I want to keep this an entertainment-type blog, I try to live my life like an open book for anyone that wants to know.  In short, I have depression and it got a hold of me over these past few weeks, culminating into being checked into the Psych Unit for almost 4 days.  Now, I have (more) pills (for now) and a slightly better outlook on life (for now).  That's about all there is to say, really, without going into any details.  A very stupid part of me was hoping staying there would be a lot like the upcoming movie "It's Kind Of A Funny Story" where there would be a girl my age to hook up with and Zach Galifianakis would be my kooky roommate, all accompanied by an indie soundtrack and the titles would be hand-written.  But there were no cute girls my age, no funny guys in beards and (thankfully) no hand-drawn title cards.  I was there, got some pills, got some info then got out.  That's about all there is to say.  It wasn't all that exciting, but I'll tell you, missing two weeks of work and getting a whopping $50 paycheck is pretty exciting, much like riding a rollercoaster with sections of the track missing is exciting.

In other news, I checked my email earlier today to find that Russell Brand wants to be my friend on MySpace.  First of all, people still use MySpace?  I sure as hell don't.  And secondly, I'll friend him only if I get a crack at Katy Perry.  Dude used to be a junkie (and still looks like one) so I'm sure he knows how deals like these work.

Machete Review

Even though it's September, it's still fairly warm outside right now and thus I still consider it Summer.  And to me, the Summer movie season is officially over.  Why?  Because, I just saw Machete and I don't really have anything to look forward to until Jackass 3D in October (I think) and Tron: Legacy in the Winter, that's why.  So was Machete end Summer with a bang or with a whimper?  Read on to find out!

My Stand-Up Comedy Debut

So as I mentioned in my last entry, I decided to take the stage as an amateur in every meaning of the word with a stand-up routine.  You see, a good buddy of mine and aspiring stand-up comedian (who I'll plug later on) has been wanting me to take the stage.  I enjoy making my friends laugh and all but when you know someone who wants to be funny for a living (or at least make a go of it) telling you you're one of the funniest people he knows, that's pretty exciting and humbling at the same time.  So I thought it was worth a shot.  And believe it or not, I do have material.  Coming up with material isn't hard for me, it's performing.  I really don't like public speaking, hence why I've stuck to a written format here on the blog and have only flirted with the idea of doing video logs.  I'm super self-conscious and get nervous easily.  Hell, I just had a good friend of mine take pictures of me so I had something presentable up on my Facebook profile.  For months, I've had a drawing a friend found that vaguely looked like me because I never like how pictures of me turn out so I figured having a professional do them would turn out better.  Well, they turned out alright but it was all due to her and not because I'm good-looking by any means.  Anyways, you can see the sort of psychosis I go through just by getting on stage.  And I was nervous.  My one leg was shaking so bad that if I put any sort of pressure on it, I could've easily tipped over.  I'm sure you can hear the shakiness in my voice as well.  With that said, let me just put the video up so you can see for yourself.

What I've Been Up To and Another Random Movie Round-Up

Hey guys, even though I posted the Ghost Rider review last week, it still seems like it's been a while since I've just rambled on about nothing in particular.  It's weird, I try to do these big overblown articles but sometimes when I get down to it, sometimes I just gotta rant a bit.  So far, I haven't really heard any feedback about the Ghost Rider review but I'm kinda on the fence about keeping the whole Nic-Cellence gimmick going.  I don't know if it was an easy read for you or anything, but it took a lot of work doing that.  Work that I don't necessarily have the energy for right now.  I think that took me about a couple weeks to do, between writing, getting screencaps and making the Creepy Nic Heads for the ratings system.  If I do another one, maybe I'll tone it down a bit.  Also, I realize the screencaps were a bit huge and ended up getting cut off.  But nothing of importance was lost so I just left it the way it was because I'm a lazy person. 

And that's something I'd like to rant about a little bit: Motivation.  I have none.

Nic-Cellence: The Films of Nicolas Cage - #1 Ghost Rider

In what may become a regular installment of Sarcasmatron, I will pay tribute to one of the greatest actors of our generation: Sir Nicolas Cage.  And yes, I realize that I'm about as "regular" as a once a week crap so I don't know how often my homage-paying will be but I hope this will at least be the start of something fun.  So let's get started with the first film chosen by you, the readers...well, READER since only one of you voted.  But before we begin, let me talk about about the way I'll be judging this film and determining if they are worthy of "Nic-Cellence."

Piranha 3D Review

This weekend, I made an hour drive to my buddy's place and ended up seeing Piranha 3D for free thanks to a couple of free Fandango passes.  Was it all worth it?  Of course it was!  But I would've willingly paid full price and driven further (OK, maybe not, as I loathe driving) to see it.  Why?  Well read on, true believer!

Scott Pilgrim vs The Expendables: A Movie Review x2

Though I probably already mentioned this in my previous Summer Movie Rundown (or whatever the hell I called it back then), I keep hearing a lot of people saying how horrible this movie season is this Summer.  And I don't get it.  Case in point, I saw two, count 'em TWO, movies this weekend, whereas in previous years I wouldn't see two movies the entire Summer!  Hell, I could've made it three for the week if I had gone and seen The Other Guys with a few friends but that's one I don't mind waiting until video for.  But the movies I felt that couldn't wait were The Expendables, a movie I've been looking forward to for months, and Scott Pilgrim vs The World, a movie I was interested in seeing as I felt it could've been really good or really horrible.

But before I go into those two movies, I'll go into some of the trailers that I saw and see if there's anything worth looking forward to in the next few months.

The Return of Random Movie Roundup and More!

I realize that I haven't really written much lately, having not put anything up in a few weeks and probably nothing resembling a full-blown review or article in a month or longer.  I'm sorry, my motivation for writing (or doing much of anything, really) has hit a new low so that's why I've been away.  But at least some people are still reading this (hopefully) because somehow I've just now reached over 1,000 hits total.  Thanks guys!  As a present, here's a new Random Movie Roundup with a new batch of movies!  Yeah, I know it's a shitty present, so just pretend I'm your grandma and shut up and pretend you like it, OK?

Random Movie Roundup (And Rollout!)

Sorry about not posting anything new lately.  Since I wanna keep this brief, I'll just say that I had a close family member being admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery.  Then in the days that followed, I kinda melted down from all the stress that's been building up in my head lately.  To make things worse, the only day I was in any sort of mood and had any time to write, my computer got a virus and I spent almost all day trying to get rid of it.  Yeah, this past week was horrible.  It's kinda weird how quickly things can change from good to bad.  Or from bad to worse.  But seriously, I did have a great time spending my birthday weekend with friends then suddenly, I was quickly reminded of the living embodiment of Murphy's Law that is my life. 

Anyways, enough of that.  In other news, thanks to all one of you reading this...OK, let me sidebar for a second.  I joke about how little my readership is quite often, but seriously, I know more than 1 freaking person reads this so you'd think I'd have more votes whenever I put up a poll.  Anyways, thanks to the 1 person that voted, I will be reviewing Ghost Rider next.  However, it won't be a standard movie review...I don't think.  I realize that I'm still trying to figure out which format I should go with reviewing movies but I'm going to try something new yet again with this.  As you can probably infer from the range of choices in the poll, I'm toying with making reviews of Nic Cage movies a recurring feature here on Sarcasmatron, seeing that he's pretty much the unofficial mascot of the blog at this point.  So it looks like Ghost Rider will be the first.  Eh, could be worse.  I was seriously hoping you guys wouldn't pick The Wicker Man.

So, in an effort to get some sort of new content up here, I'm just gonna talk about the random stack of movies I've been watching the past few weeks, complete with arbitrary grades.  How fun!

Predators Mini-Review And More

As part of my birthday festivities, I wanted to check out Predators as it was pretty much the only movie at the theater right now that I wanted to see other than Toy Story 3 (which I still haven't).  Even though it looked alright, I still had my reservations about it.  Would it end up sucking like the Aliens vs Predators movies did?  Will Adrien Brody be able to pull off being the lead in an action film?  Will Danny Trejo not be awesome?  Luckily, all of my worries were wiped away as Predators ended up being quite good...well, not ALL my worries.  ***Mini Spoiler - Danny Trejo is the first one to die.  :-( ***

HELP! I'm Being Blaxploited!

I make no secret about my love for so-called "guilty pleasure" movies to the point that I don't even consider them a guilty pleasure.  I'm proud to like movies of shady quality and ill repute and make it quite known.  Chop-socky flicks, Grindhouse sleaze, Italian giallo and zombie gore.  Sometimes I feel like I was born a couple decades too late and I should be wandering around the seedy side of Manhattan wearing a stained trenchcoat and mirrored shades.  But no other sub-genre exemplifies this underrated time in cinematic history in the same way that Blaxploitation does.  Sure, it's easy to write such movies off as "cheese" when the bulk of the characters in them are sporting bell bottoms, afros and jheri curls while spouting off jive and even easier to condemn them as exploitative when those very same characters are almost always junkies, pushers, pimps and prostitutes.  But to me, "Blaxplotation" symbolizes everything that's real and true with moviemaking, even if the end result is usually lacking.  There's no better way for me to explain it, so I'll let Blaxploitation legend and all-around badass Fred Williamson do it better than I ever could:

“I have no idea who was being exploited. Black people loved the movies, all the actors were being paid. I mean, if you compare it to Burt Reynolds or Clint Eastwood movies of the same time, they never called them ‘white exploitation’. It was a terminology they had to use to distinguish black film, because black films with heroes didn’t exist until [the 1970's].”

And Yet, More Nothing...

I hope all of my American readers out there had an enjoyable 4th of July holiday chock full of blowin' shit up and hot dogs and blowin' up hot dogs.  To all my American readers, ummmm....well...it's not like I can say something to the extent of "On this day, EVERYONE's an American" like they say with other holidays because a good chunk of people in America still don't even want to acknowledge anyone that's not white as an American, even if they've lived here all their lives.  Hooray for xenophobia!

Anyway, much like my last blog entry.  This one's not going to be very long because I'm still having trouble finding stuff to write about.  But hopefully that'll change for a couple of reasons.

Soooo...ummm...what are you wearing?

http://cache0.emptees.com/images/985771/ezlucha.jpg

This shirt.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

What would you do with your life if you could do anything and were not constrained by the things that currently constrain you?

I would create. I'm not exactly sure what but I would spend my time creating things that bring joy to others. I do a lot of thinking and a good chunk of it is trying to find out where my strengths are, what my talents are and how I can build them up so that I may be able to make something that I'm not only proud of and can say "Yes, I did that!" but something that can entertain, make people laugh and help them enjoy life more, if only for a moment.

That or sleep. A lot.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

This Is What Happens When You Have Nothing To Write About

First of all, before I get going into...whatever the hell I'm going to talk about today, I'd like to thank the patrons of the Wrestlecrap Forum.  Because of them, I managed to get just under 200 hits over the course of last Wednesday through Friday.  Thursday alone netted me 122 hits, which is easily a record for the most in one day so far.  However, there comes a negative side to this.  They only really came because I posted a link to my article about NXT Season 2 and while I'm glad they read it, they're seemingly the only ones that have.  And after Friday, my daily hits went back down into the single digits.  Hell, no one has even visited the blog today so far (though hopefully that'll change once I post this).  So I'm really thinking about things I can do or specific stuff I can write about that'll get more people to read and, more importantly, keep them coming back.  I know there's an audience for my inane ramblings somewhere out there.  Why else would internet reviewers and stupid YouTube vloggers get so many people to follow them?  I just wanna jump up and down and complain loudly about stupid crap for a living, that's all.  And judging from all the Tea Partiers and Town Hall meetings lately, that seems to truly be the American dream.

Which brings me to my current quandary: I have nothing to write about right now.

A Look at WWE NXT: Season 2

For those of you that don't follow professional wrestling, then the bulk of this entry will probably sail straight over your head.  But for those of you that do, then you probably already know that WWE's NXT has started it's second "season".  To me, the concept is pretty novel: Pair 8 "Rookies" with 8 WWE "Pros" and have them show their talent via a reality show-type format where the winner receives a WWE contract and a title match at a future pay-per-view event.  However, Season 1 seemed to be a work in progress, starting off strong then flailing in the water with weak storylines (save for the epic Daniel Bryan vs Michael Cole story) and embarrassing  Physical Challenges straight out of a mid-'90s Nickolodeon show.  Luckily NXT ended Season 1 fairly strong by naming it's first winner and winding up becoming part of one of the most intriguing storylines in recent memory.  Therefore, before I take a look at Season 2's class of Rookies, let me catch you up with what happened at the end of Season 1.

The A-Team Mini-Review and Other Things I've Watched Lately

This one's going to be a bit of a quickie...well, I say that NOW but you know my tendency to ramble on about nothing in particular.  But I figured I'd get this one out of the way right away and real quick while it's still fresh on my mind. 

Anyway, I decided to check out The A-Team last night with a few friends and it was quite fun.  But as much as I liked it, there's not really a lot to talk about, which is another reason why this blog entry may run a bit short.  The A-Team is very much a "What You See Is What You Get"-type of movie.  If you've seen the trailers, you can pretty much tell whether or not you want to see it.  If you want to see it, you'll know exactly what you're in for.  And if you don't, there's nothing that's going to make you change your mind.  Simply put, if you think people shooting airplanes out of the sky from a parachuting tank is awesome, then you'll love the movie.  If you think it's dumb, then you'll hate it.  Simple as that. 

What is the kindest thing someone has done for you recently?

A girl called me "cute" recently. Not really "cute" as in "OMG you're so good looking, I want you NOW!" but "Aw, you're so nice."...which I normally hate as I've only heard "You're so nice" as some sort of excuse but she did actually use the word "cute" so I accepted it. She also asked why I didn't have a girlfriend and I could've given her a whole list of reasons but I decided to just accept the compliment.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Aside from Japan, what country would you most like to visit in the world?

Hong Kong!

Ok, since I'd go to Hong Kong for many of the same reasons I'd go to Japan, I guess I should pick something else. I don't know, I think England would be nice, visiting all the little burghs and such. Speaking as a metalhead, Norway would be fun...but I hate snow so maybe not.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

6 (And A Half) Reasons Why Dragonball: Evolution Isn't THAT Bad

It should be known by now that I'm willing to subject myself to horrible movies for reasons that I'm not quite sure of myself.  Sure, a part of me hates it whenever I end up seeing something really bad, but a bigger part of me actually ENJOYS these bad movies.  They usually have a charm to them, whether it be a low-budget movie that can't quite pull off everything it wanted to or a big-budget one that tried to do too many things and forgot to just be really good at one aspect.  Also, there's the simple fact that, much like child stars who grow up to become heroin addicts, I just want to see things fall apart and fail right before my very eyes.  Even though it took me quite a while after it's theatrical release to see it, I finally subjected myself to a movie that many people consider their "Worst Movie Ever" - Dragonball: Evolution.  And to be honest, I didn't think it was all that bad!  But to be even more honest, I wasn't really paying 100% attention to it but that's neither here nor there.  Sure, I'm willing to give plenty of bad movies a pass just because I enjoyed them for all the wrong reasons, but I believe that Dragonball: Evolution may be getting a bad rap.  So allow me to help bring peace to the world by making a list with an arbitrary random amount of points that no one will read about a crappy movie that isn't really all that crappy.  Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you...

What is your favourite sushi roll?

Just about anything from Uraku in Bowling Green *shameless plug* To be more precise, anything that ends in the word "Deluxe", on the rare chance I can actually afford it.

I'm partial to anything tuna or crab. I'm not a big fan of the California Roll, though.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Why do guys like to make fun of each other (and other people) so much?

Because we have low self-esteem and it makes us feel better. Hell, I'll admit it.

But like I tell my friends "I make fun of you because I like you." It's like a form of endearment via ridicule. If I didn't like you, chances are I'd probably just not talk to you. If I feel comfortable enough around you to say dumb stuff and believe you won't punch me in the face, that shows trust.

Or something. I'm not really sure what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, and I make fun of people I don't know because they're stupid. So there.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

What's stopping you from going back to school and getting your bachelors?

Kinda personal one there but OK. First of all, I thought my Associate's would be enough...but then I moved out from the middle of Cornfield-vania and out into the oh-so-dreaded "real world" and realized I was gravely mistaken. Now, I just don't have the money to go back. Simple as that. And I really don't want to take out massive amounts of loans because about the only part of my life that doesn't suck is the fact that I have zero debt (except from a few recent hospital bills).

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

So, Guess Who Made It On TV After All?

Me, that's who!

Live Report: WWE Raw 5-23-10

I suppose it's only apropos that I'm writing this on National Geek/Nerd Pride Day.  Of course, I pride myself on being quite the geek...just not in the traditional sense.  For example, today is also Towel Day (for fans of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy) and Star Wars Day was earlier this month.  But I myself have never read any of Douglas Adams books or even seen all of the Star Wars movies to completion.  I've only seen The Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi in bits and pieces but all of those bits probably add up to seeing them multiple times.  Plus, I fell asleep during the last half-hour of Episode III.  So you see, science-fictiony stuff like this doesn't really grab my attention like it does for most nerds.  But thankfully there's so many things out there that you can be a nerd over practically anything.  All it really takes is a intelligent, persistent and fervent interest in something.  I consider myself a little bit of a computer nerd (at least enough to build my current PC out of random cheap parts), a geek for horror and action films, cheesy or not (Geek-sploitation, perhaps?) and a huge nerd for heavy metal music.  But I'm sure the one that trumps them all is my geek-dom for professional wrestling.  Much like most Star Wars fans, my fandom for pro wrestling started young.  I'm nearing 27 years old and I'm sure I've been a fan for 20 of those years, probably more.  However, despite watching it over the years and amassing quite the DVD collection (though its probably not much compared to other die-hard fans), I have NEVER been to a live wrestling show.  My parents never took me to any growing up and now that I can go to them on my own, I always seem to be broke or something when they pass through my area.  But when WWE announced that they would be airing a live episode of Raw from the new arena in Toledo, I kinda HAD to go.

Your favourite song of all times and why?

Even though I try to listen to a lot of music, I think I'm gonna go with my standby answer and pick "One" by Metallica. It's nice and long and epic. Plus the video scared me when I was little and still kinda gets to me now.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Random Concert Review: Horse The Band/MC Chris 5-14-10

I usually don't go to concerts all that much, partially because I dislike being in large groups of sweaty people but mostly because a good chunk of the bands that I listen to don't pass through my area.  Really, the closest they come is Detroit...and Detroit scares me.  I think I can literally count all the major concerts (not counting local bands and "Battle of the Bands" competitions and such) on one hand.  Let's see:  there was the Headbanger's Ball tour show in Detroit with Cradle of Filth/Arch Enemy/Bleeding Through/Himsa mere days after the on-stage murder of former Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell; there was the Coheed and Cambria/Dillinger Escape Plan show in Toledo where Dillinger was missing a guitarist due to illness (which never happens) and therefore kinda sucked so lead singer Greg Puciato decided to make it up (to a crowd filled of mostly 15 year old girls that didn't care anyway) by climbing up a shaky stack of amps and almost breaking his neck; and a random Mustard Plug show in Bowling Green that I didn't really plan on going to anyways but was still pretty fun.  And I think that's it.  Believe me, there's plenty of other ones I missed out on, like TWO different Halloween shows from Mindless Self Indulgence (one of which was supposed to have Dog Fashion Disco as support only to have them break up in the weeks leading up to the show) and a recent show with Hyper Crush...and a couple other bands I didn't care about).  So when I heard that Horse The Band, one of my Top 10 favorite bands (if not Top 5) was making a stop in Toledo due to a canceled show, I kinda had to show up...even if I didn't hear about it until the day before showtime.  Yup, Horse The Band managed to get booked on a show already headlined by MC Chris (of Sealab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force fame) at the last second in order to make up for a canceled gig.

Who do you most admire and why?

Abraham Lincoln. I'm not even exactly sure why either. I know he abolished slavery and all, which was awesome. It could be the awesome beard. It may be the fact that I still have a tiny cheap-ass figurine of him that I got at the dentist's office and still display it on my desk because I think it's so cool. Abraham Lincoln kinda seems like the ultimate human being.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Matter Eating. No, it's not something I made up for all you non-comic geeks. Look up Matter-Eater Lad. It seems like such a useless power. "Oh hey, the city's in trouble. Let me eat this fire hydrant!"

That or Chainsaw Fingers. I'd imagine that's pretty useless too.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

My Top 5 Hot Chicks At The Moment (or Why I'll Probably Remain Single)

Due to my perpetual single-hood, my taste in women has come under question many times.  Or rather, the fact that people tend to think I'm "too picky" or that I have "high standards".  And to that, I call bullshit.  Trust me, it doesn't take much to get me attracted to a girl.  Hell, usually all it takes is for one to pay attention to me for a fraction of a second.  But besides that, I don't think it's that people think I have high standards but instead, people believe I shouldn't have ANY standards at all.  They think that since I'm a virgin, I should just give it up to some random hambeast and get it over with.  And before you say that I'm reading too much into people's comments, people have actually told me this.  Stupid people, but people nonetheless.  Anyway, I figured that due to my current dating situation (which I've kept pretty mum about it on here besides a few snide remarks and that whole Pick-Up Artist thing), I feel a duty to talk about the girls out there that are currently getting my attention in an effort for you to more accurately judge me and my so-called "high standards".  Therefore I've made a list of the Top 5 Girls I Wanna Hook Up With At This Particular Moment.  Keep in mind that I do realize there's no way a guy like me would ever be able to hook up with any of these fine ladies, even if they've lost 3 or more limbs.  Which is why I'm currently on the lookout for vats full of radioactive money and giant penises to fall in so that I may become a superhero, to be known henceforth as The Goddamn Dickman.

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

Around the ankles, maybe? Then again, I don't know why just the toes would be gone, so let's say the whole foot is gone too. I doubt they'd just wrap it around the leg like some sort of garter, so maybe the fingers?

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Do you still have tonsils?

Yes, and I feel guilty when there are so many poor people in this world that go through life without tonsils. Maybe I should donate mine.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

What should I have for you to love me forever?

A copy of Mario Kart 64. I lost mine. :-(

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Iron Man 2 Review

Alright, so like any decent person should have, I went and saw Iron Man 2 last night (deciding against going to see the Midnight showing on Thursday) and I have to say, I liked it but I wasn't blown away like I hoped I would.  I apologize if this review is a bit short and thrown together but I'm writing this when I should be getting stuff together to visit my mom this weekend for Mother's Day.  

If you had to choose between punching a hipster and punching a ghetto thug, without fear of retribution from either, which would you choose? Choosing both is not an option.

Punching a hipster BY FAR! I can't even measure how far of a margin it would be. And that's not even factoring in that a ghetto thug would probably kill me if I punched him. Hipsters exist solely to be beaten. At least ghetto thugs have supplied our civilization with "sampling".

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Can you give me a mock session of how you would teach sex education to a child?

Me: 'Sup kid.
Kid: 'Sup.
Me: So...um...the Internet wants to know how I'd teach you about the birds and the bees.
Kid: You mean, like doing it?
Me.: Yup.
Kid: Don't worry about it. I've already had sex more times than you anyways.
Me: Fair enough. Good talk.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

No. However, it is rude if they are holding food in their hands while signing.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?

Iron Man 2, hopefully.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Random Quickie: What I'm Doing and What's Ahead

Hey readers.  I just now realized that I need some sort of endearing/insulting name for my readerbase.  Sarcasmites?  Sarcasmatroglodytes?  But first, I need to get a readerbase to begin with.  Anyway, I hope you guys liked my look at the Summer Movie Season this past weekend.  Plus I'm glad to see some of you enjoyed my review of Murder Set Pieces from a few weeks back...all 3 of you.  There was one person who chose the "Too long, didn't read" option, which I'm surprised no one else picked.  I will be doing another movie review soon but will be toying around with a slightly different (and possibly shorter) format.  Once again, I'll be keeping this movie a surprise but this time I think it'll definitely get more of a reaction than "Man Stabs Whores: The Movie".  But before I do that, I think I'm going to do my "Favorite Hot Chicks" article first.  It's just something I kinda want to get out of my system now, plus it'll be an excuse to post gratuitous pics of girls for no real reason.  Anyway, I'm not going to do a major blog here right now (especially considering I just finished a two-parter that I didn't realize would be a two-parter).  This one is just a recap of what I've been up to lately.

A Look At The 2010 Summer Movie Season - Part 2

Before I start looking at the movies opening in July and August, I will say that I actually did go to the theaters last night.  And what did I see?  Well it wasn't The Human Centipede since there were no places near me playing it.  And it wasn't Nightmare On Elm Street because reviews haven't been kind (going so far as someone from the New York Times saying "this is why your generation sucks", which is a statement I need to make more often).  Surprisingly, the only person I've found that actually liked the Elm Street remake was The Cinema Snob.  I usually trust his opinion so I may check it out on DVD someday but I'm in no rush.  So what did I see?  Kick Ass.  Yup, for a second time.  And it was just as awesome as I remembered it.  I rarely go see a movie in theaters more than once.  The only movies I can remember going to see twice were Spider-Man and Jackass: The Movie.  Other than Nightmare on Elm Street and Kick Ass, the only real option presented to my friends and I was The Losers.  I was pretty psyched up to see The Losers a few weeks ago but Kick Ass looked so much better, even when presented with the decision of going to see it a second time.  And with opinions ranging from "Don't bother" to "Pretty good", with no one saying "OH MY GOD! You have to see this movie right now!", I figured I can wait until DVD.  I'm pretty psyched for Iron Man 2 next weekend and would like to see it in IMAX but I think the only IMAX theater near me is in Detroit.  And who wants to go to Detroit?

Anyway, let's dive back in, starting with July:

A Look at the 2010 Summer Movie Season - Part 1

Even though we're technically still in Spring, I feel that after having seen Kick Ass a few weeks back, the Summer Blockbuster Movie Season has started off already.  And surprisingly enough, unlike years past, there are quite a few movies that I actually want to see this Summer.  Despite my love for movies, it seems like I make it to the movie theater less and less because Hollywood doesn't crank out a lot of movies I want to see, and even if there is something I want to see, usually it's something not worthy of $10+ for a ticket or something I can wait for the DVD release.  Which explains why my "Best Of" list last year only had 5 movies (and 1 Worst Movie), because that's literally all I've seen.  The only movie that didn't make the list was Boondock Saints II and that was only because I had seen it after I compiled my list.  And really, what other reason would there be for Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li for cracking a "Best Of" list.  Luckily, I won't have the problem of putting a crappy (yet enjoyable but for all the wrong reasons) movie on my end-of-year list this year.  So I'm going to go through the Summer release schedule week-by-week (according to IMDB, so if I miss something it's their fault) and pick out what movie I personally would like to see and try to predict which movie everyone will go see.  But somehow, between those two criteria, I probably won't touch upon what movies are actually WORTH seeing.  That's because the general public is stupid yet I still watch crap...just a better kind of crap, I guess.  Anyway, let's start with tomorrow night:

Is you're cat an oven? if so, finish this sentence: My pants like too...

Yes. My are cat an oven. And I think you finished that sentence for me, you just forgot some punctuation. My pants like, too.

Seriously, is this you Peter Chimaera?

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Mega Movie Review #1 - Murder Set Pieces

Let me preface this review by saying how much I HATE the term "torture porn".  First of all, anyone who says this just comes off like a pretentious douchebag who thinks gory horror movies are beneath them.  What if we used this kind of terminology for other film genres?  Do we call Michael Bay movies "A'splosion-gasms"?  Wait...yeah, I do.  Bad example.  What if the Rocky movies were called "Hardcore Fisting".  I mean, there's enough of them to do the whole "Volume (Insert Number Here)" joke.  Better yet, imagine the epic fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris in Way of the Dragon.  Now imagine if someone called it "Hot Bear On Twink Action".  I bet if someone did that, Chuck Norris would telepathically mind rape you while the ghost of Bruce Lee violates your soul with a One Inch Thrust.  But as bad as all of that is, a bigger reason why I hate "torture porn" is that there is actually torture porn out there!  And it's not cool!  And this is coming from someone who gets aroused at the drop of a hat...literally.  Don't look at me like that.  The hat was dressed like she wanted it.

With that said, if there's any movie that can be considered "torture porn", it's Murder Set Pieces.

(Warning: What follows is not only a full recap of a disturbing movie...but my questionable "Photoshop" skills do come into play.  So not only will this review offend your morals, it might offend your eyes as well.  Reader discretion is advised.)

If you could be any kind of animal, and yet in no way associated with being a furry, what would you be and why?

Thanks for clarifying about the furry business. I want no part in that scene whatsoever. Anyways, to answer your question, I think I'd like to be a monkey. I get to climb trees, eat bananas with my feet and throw poop. Sounds like a sweet life.

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Kick-Ass Review, Eating a Double Down and Living To Tell The Tale and Fuckin' Magnets.

Yesterday I did two things I've been looking forward to doing for a few months now.  Chief among the two was going to see Kick-Ass.  I'll have more detailed thoughts on that later but first I wanted to talk about something else.  After months of testing, research and deliberation and after a week or so of waiting, I finally took the plunge.

Yes, I ate a Double Down.  And somehow I'm still here to write this.

If you had to learn a foreign language what would you learn and why?

Japanese, mostly because I'm a sucker for Japanese culture and would love to at least visit there someday. Not to mention everything just sounds cooler in Japanese, don't you think?

Ask me anything. No, seriously, anything.

Results Are IN! (Kinda) And Yet More Random Stuff.

Alright, even though there's like less than 24 hours left to go in the poll, considering the fact that the Mega Movie Review is leading the pack and no one has bothered to vote in the last couple days, I'm just gonna say that Mega Movie Review is the winner.  It'll be interesting to see how it turns out as I'm going to be doing this kinda like an experiment, seeing if this sort of format would work well with future reviews.  It might take a little while to do as I have to get reacquainted with the movie (of which I'm keeping a surprise), get screen caps (and possibly .gifs) and hopefully make it funny and enjoyable (and spend more time trying to get things into parentheses) so I have to have it done within a week (PARENTHESES!  DO IT!).  Thanks for voting!

What's your favorite feature on a female?

Leather upholstery and optional sunroof. But seriously, it depends on the girl. Sometimes I like their eyes. Sometimes I like their smile. I pay attention to the way they do their hair or how they wear what they're wearing. If they can get any combination of the above, even better.

PS - Boobs.

Ask me anything

A Bunch of Random Crap and YOU Choose My Next Article!

So I don't really know what I'm going to write about here right now, probably just catch you guys up on what I've been doing lately.  Honestly, my motivation to do anything but surf the net for random crap, lurk on Facebook and maybe watch a movie in the background has dropped down to nothing.  I've hardly even logged on to Twitter to post random crap, though that makes sense as hardly anyone follows me on Twitter anyway.  So forgive me if this entry is a bit scatterbrained.

Ryan, seriously, what the fuck is up with giraffes?

What isn't up with giraffes? I bet they don't have to go to the chiropractor.

Ask me anything

what are you're thoughts on TNA pushing Eric Young yet letting Christopher Daniels go?

I like Eric Young so I have no problems with them pushing him. But letting Daniels go is a dumb move. He's probably one of the best all-around guys TNA has and can definitely be depended on when all the WCW rejects have a crappy match.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/TheRyno665

Wrestlemania 26, The Game (the book, not Triple H) and A Bunch of Crappy Movies.

Any wrestling fans reading this knows that last night was the biggest night of the year for the business as it was time for Wrestlemania 26.  Regardless of whether or not the event is any good (believe me, there are some Wrestlemanias that outright suck *cough*#9*cough*), there's always excitement in the air.  Even though I haven't really seen too many Wrestlemanias live (the only ones I can recall are 14, 18 and 22), I figured it'd be fun to get a few of my friends together and watch it last night.  But we ran into a few hangups along the way.  I had been calling around for places in town that might be playing it but could only think of Buffalo Wild Wings and Hooters, neither of which were playing it, opting only for UFC pay-per-views.  So eff you B-Dubs!  At least Hooters has skanky waitresses for the whole family.  Then we debated ordering it but none of us have actual cable boxes, just cable connections.  So then we finally decided to get WWE.com's live stream of it and hook it up to my friend's 50-something inch HD flat-screen.  While the output of the computer looked spectacular on his TV, the live stream was just OK, made slightly worse by the fact that the highest speed option kept buffering out on us so we opted on the next option down, taking a small hit in quality so that we could watch it uninterrupted.  Ah well, it still looked pretty good though.  Anyways, here's the results and a few of my random-ass observations accompanying them:

Trying To Keep Up

I was getting a bit worried for a little while there as I didn't get many readers after my "return" (I'm using finger quotes because I still don't feel like I've come back into the norm) but it seems that my blog's feature of automatically updating my Twitter (which in turn updates my Facebook and MySpace status) for my Monday entry didn't update until TODAY!  Yup, there's some technology for ya.  Anyway, this isn't going to be anything major, just a few things that I've been trying to keep up with.  It seems like I'm getting backlogged with movies AND video games AND books and instead of spending my time trying to get through them, I'm spending my time writing about trying to get through them.  My brain hurts.  Let's move on.

I Return and Spoil Suprises.

Even though I didn't leave a specific timetable for my hiatus, I really didn't want to be away from regular writing for this long.  To make things worse, I didn't want to be away for these specific reasons.  Much like last time, I don't want to go in specifics but last week I suffered a bit of a mental breakdown.  I've been diagnosed with depression before but have gone without medication or counseling for the past few years.  And with the combination of recent events and my general station in life, it came back to bite me in the ass.  I'm on the road to getting help but it's going to be a long road.  Until then, I guess all I can do is keep myself occupied.  I'm going to try to do that via the blog but don't be surprised if I don't post with regularity or if my heart doesn't seem to be in it for a little while yet.

And with that out of the way, it's time for me to ruin the surprise I had been touting for the past month or so.

Taking A Break

Despite me being able to track how many people visit the blog, I don't know how many of you actually READ it and therefore expected some new material.  Unfortunately, circumstances arose and I probably won't be able to post anything new until next week, nor do I really want to right now.  I'm not going into any details but I'll just say that I lost a good friend far too soon and it's going to be a little while before I get back into the swing of things again.  I had planned on watching the head-to-head WWE/TNA shows and doing a report but when I heard the news Monday, that obviously didn't matter.  And, yet again, the "surprise" I had planned will be pushed back indefinitely.  Sorry to anyone that does keep track of my ranting and raving but hopefully you understand.

A Few Random Quickies

This blog entry won't be very long, just a few random blurbs about things that have been/are/will be going on.  First of all, I want to thank everyone that's visited the blog recently as this past Thursday I had 27 visitors, probably marking a new record.  Of course, a good chunk of that traffic came from me linking the blog in a comment I made on The Spoony Experiment, so thanks for visiting.  Also, it seems like Sarcasmatron has been popping up in quite a few Google searches which, thanks to the random nature of the subjects I write about, spreads between people looking for reviews of the new HIM album, wanting a list of underrated horror movies and wondering if Darren Young from WWE NXT really wears blackface makeup.

Reading Is FUNdamental, NXT Week 2 and Other Random Crap.

With my last entry running on a bit too long, I forgot to mention what I'm doing with myself now that I've gone through all my recent movie purchase and don't plan on making (m)any more right now.  I thought I was going back to my video games considering I still have Yakuza 2 on the PS2, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, MadWorld and House of the Dead Overkill on the Wii to play through.  And that's not even including the other cheap games I've gotten to pad out my collection only to play them once or twice.  I thought about trading them in and getting something else but I have reservations with the whole process.  Oddly enough, I traded in a crapton of CDs and movies to get a new copy of Guitar Hero 5 (and a used copy of Rock Band 2) only to havejust traded it in over the weekend via Goozex.com.  I didn't want to go to Gamestop because I knew I'd get like $10 tops, despite it being in very good condition, and the other games I have I bought for about $10 so I'd probably get a Chuck E. Cheese token for those trade-ins.

But anyway, I won't be going back to my games...at least not right away.  I'm going back to something I haven't done in a lonnnnnnnnggggggg time: reading.  As in actual books, to boot!

A Look At WWE NXT And A Bunch Of Random Stuff Too

A few entries ago, I mentioned my interest in WWE's new show replacing the ECW brand, dubbed NXT, in which eight Rookies are paired up with eight Pros to act as mentors in efforts to determine who the next big WWE superstar will be.  I watched the inaugural episode on Tuesday night and liked it a lot, though I wasn't really sure if I should devote a whole blog entry to it.  But after watching Spoony's 90+ minute rant on the most recent episode of TNA Impact, I felt inspired to do something a bit more in-depth on NXT.  And trust me, no one will be kidnapped by ninjas or gain superpowers just by wearing a ring here.

Bangkok Dangerous vs Bangkok Dangerous

After the past couple weeks, I've almost finally gotten through the huge stack of movies I accumulated during the closing of a Blockbuster Video store.  Actually I only have one movie left in the stack, that being Thirst (the Park Chan-Wook vampire flick).  Of course, I still have the Ringu anthology that I bought BEFORE I got all those movies, not to mention my copy of Rambo that doesn't work (along with my buddy's copy that I might burn instead).  Oddly enough, I had decided to put off watching both versions of Bangkok Dangerous until this past week for whatever reason, despite getting both movies early on in my period of plundering the Blockbuster shelves.  And yes, for those who are just starting to read this blog and/or had no prior idea, Bangkok Dangerous starring Nicolas Cage is in fact a remake of a Thai movie made almost a decade earlier.  Honestly, I think I had only a vague recollection of this and it completely slipped my mind until I went to Blockbuster and found just one copy of the original sitting on the shelf (compared to the 20+ copies of the Hollywood version that they were practically handing out at $3.99).  Immediately upon seeing them both, I got the idea to watch them both back-to-back and figure out what, if any, differences there were. 

I Totally Wish I Had Photoshop Skillz (The Wrestling Edition)

It seems as if I had any opportunity to practice Photoshopping, it'd be now.  You see, I spend a good chunk of my free time on the forums at WrestleCrap, where every so often there would be Photoshop threads where you take a certain wrestler (9 times out of 10, it's usually Batista) and put him in a weird situation.  Of course, seeing as I have no Photoshop skill and would rather crank something out quickly and be the first to have that idea posted instead of being beaten to the punch even if my end result is spectacular, I usually just crank something out real quick in MS Paint.  I only spend about 5-10 minutes on each picture, any more than 15 and I usually just give up and move onto something else.  I heard that GIMP is a good (and free) Photoshop substitute so I downloaded but I honestly haven't even installed it yet.  So behold my crappy pictures!  Considering these are about wrestling, which the "cool people" aren't watching anymore, I'll try to put them in context the best I can.

HIM Screamworks Review, Along With Another Movie Store Closing And More.

Coming off my Valentine's Day blog last week, I've been growing increasingly depressed.  First of all, if you think that blog was depressed, obviously you don't know me very well but I can see how it was a downer.  But honestly I wasn't as bummed as I normally am during V-Day due to being more paranoid about paying for car repairs.  But now that that's over with and the sticker shock is worn off (though I am mad about having to devote most of my tax refund to it), I think the Valentine's Day depression is coming a week late.  Honestly I was fine earlier this week then suddenly it all snuck up on me at once and I couldn't sleep (which is VERY rare for me) and I was getting major headaches from the stress.  So, with all of this stress caused by a holiday celebrating love while I'm suffering from a severe lack of it, I find it a tad bit ironic that I'm reviewing an album that focuses on love by one of my favorite bands.  Much like most American fans, I discovered HIM (short for His Infernal Majesty though they don't really acknowledge that anymore) due to Bam Margera's rabid fandom and his flashing of the iconic "Heartagram" at any opportunity.  And while constant shilling has died down in recent years, that hasn't stopped HIM from releasing albums stateside, the most recent of which being "Screamworks: Love In Theory And Practice - Chapters 1-13."

The Pick-Up Artist Debacle

So here I sit on a February 14th morn, eating Oreos and milk for breakfast and typing away at my blog with no other plans for the day other than watching movies or maybe picking up a video game, possibly doing another job search (as if I weren't depressed already).  Truth be told, I've never celebrated Valentine's Day once in my life for a simple reason: I've never needed to.  Anyone who knows me knows I don't attract the ladies.  I'm kind, fairly funny and alright looking (believe me, it's taken me years to build myself up to become that modest) but usually either they don't notice me or I straight-up repel them away.  To make things worse, the few girls that I have attracted I just plain wasn't attracted to beyond being friends and hanging out.  I've never thought about them as romantic material, which I'm sure is some sort of reverse karma for all the girls that never thought of me at romantic material.  Believe me, I feel the pervasive sense of hypocrisy on my part.  Anyway, I've only had two "girlfriends", each of them dumping me after two months with the excuse of me being "too nice".  Yup.  So, with me not having any type of meaningful relationship, it's really hard to go about getting one when I don't know what I'm doing.  I needed help, professional help, simple as that.

Enter a goon with a fuzzy hat and goggles.

I don't really like using Sarcasmatron as a personal forum as I want people to laugh and be entertained.  I have done personal blogs for people to read but 1) It doesn't solve any of my problems and 2) No one gives a crap.  This will probably be the most personal entry on here but I feel it fits as it does have to deal partly with the entertainment industry.  So gather 'round as I tell the tale about how I almost-kinda-sorta-didn't-really get on The Pick-Up Artist.

The Final Blockbuster Haul, A Little Kid Points To His Junk, When LARPers Attack and More!

So I decided to go back to Blockbuster one last time before they closed for good a few days ago.  Needless to say, there wasn't much left and I didn't walk out with much.  In fact, I only ended up getting two movies, Thirst and Angel of Death.  Thirst is a vampire movie from Oldboy director Park Chan-Wook and Angel of Death is actually a movie turned into a web series starring Zoe Bell (aka the stuntwoman from Death Proof aka the only non-Kurt Russell person in that movie that I didn't want to punch in the face).  I also got another Boondock Saints II poster for my friend as they had one left at about $1.  Despite this being the last hurrah, I'm not sad as I've never stepped foot into a Blockbuster until now and probably won't again, even though there's still two more open in in town.  I'm just a sucker for snagging plenty of swag when stores close down.  First Media Play, then Circuit City and now Blockbuster.  So let's take a look back at the cumulative list of what I scored over the past month.

Ryan's Underrated Movies of the Decade

Since I'm being secluded to my apartment due to near-blizzard conditions, it looks like I might as well do some writing that doesn't pertain about me taking a trip to Blockbuster, though this one still has to do with movies.  Originally, I was debating doing this as a possible video-blog (I hate saying "vlog" as it sounds like a regurgitation sound effect) but since I don't own a video camera and by the time I might be able to afford one, this list would be pretty irrelevant.  Hell, it's a couple weeks into February so the whole "End of the Decade" gimmick is outdated by a month already.  Plus, this would've just consisted of me holding up DVD copies and talking about them so I figured I'd just type it out, cutting out the middleman and passing the savings onto you...or something.  I will put up a word of warning though.  I realize that I'm on the Internet so any of these movies I list as "underrated" while probably be met with scoffs by cinema snobs and internet nerds.  "Pffft, you call that underrated?  You obviously haven't seen Le Cirque De Scat Eaters, you troglodyte."  Sure, maybe I haven't seen that movie that I just made up for this argument (and oh god I hope it doesn't actually exist out there somewhere) but you have to realize that I live in Northwest Ohio, which is pretty much a cultural wasteland.  The odd thing about where I live is that there are quite a few opportunities to find something outside of the normal entertainment options (the Internet being the biggest of those opportunities) but people here are perfectly content to just listen to what Top 40 or Country radio tells them to, watch whatever crappy reality show is being shoved down our throats and pay good money to see a shoddy remake of an infinitely better movie.  So that makes me a goddamn visionary!  Or not, I'm just saying that's the way things are around here.  Anyway, with that tangent out of the way, here are my picks for some of the most underrated movies of this past decade.

The Super Bowl XLIV-aganza...Where I Write About Going To Blockbuster Again.

I swear, I'll stop going to Blockbuster...soon.  And since I could literally give two craps about the Super Bowl (which,after having some Chinese buffet for lunch, I'm sure it'll only be a matter of hours until I can), I might as well write about it.  I'm hoping this'll be the last time I go considering they close next weekend and I'll be taking my car in for repairs then.  Plus, there's not a lot more to choose from (though there's plenty of crap left that I could enjoy) but if they drop prices low enough, I might be able to squeeze in one last stop.  Anyways, here's what all I picked up this time.

Oscar Nominations, Ong Bak 3 and A Bunch Of Other Random Crap

If you haven't heard, this year's Oscar Nominations were announced earlier today.  Of course, considering all of the movies nominated in all the categories, I've only seen...well...oh yeah, ONE nominated movie!  So, I'm probably the last person to be dishing out predictions but I'll give it a shot anyway.  And how about we start with the ONE movie that I did see: Inglourious Basterds.

My Massive Blockbuster Haul (Part 3) And Some Grammy Thoughts

I have some good news and bad news.  Bad News: I went to Blockbuster...AGAIN, making it twice in the same weekend.  But the Good News is that I don't think I have much of a reason to go back anymore.  Since I had some spare cash, I had decided to go ahead and pick up that copy of WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2010 for the Wii.  Unfortunately, I should've gotten that feeling earlier as the game was gone.  Ah well, I'm not too bummed about it.  I figured that'd just give me more money to spend on movies but as you'll see, I didn't get a whole lot this time.

My Massive Blockbuster Haul (Part Deux)

Considering that the Blockbuster down the road from me is still open for a few weeks and seeing that the movies were dropped down by another couple bucks to $5.99, I decided to pick up a few more last night.  Despite the fact that their inventory is shrinking, they still have a lot to choose from but this time my haul isn't as massive as it was before.  Maybe I showed a bit more restraint but I think either next week or the week after, hopefully they'll be even cheaper and I'll just go nuts on the leftovers.  But this is what I got last night, along with a few thoughts of what I've been watching.

My Massive Blockbuster Haul

As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, the Blockbuster Video down the road from my apartment is closing down, so they're selling off their inventory.  Last week, ended up not buying any movies due to buying an Inglourious Basterds wall print instead but this week I more than made up for it when I went back yesterday (especially since the Fight Club painting I wanted was gone).  So, what did I end up getting?

Movie-Mania! (Including Yet Another Horror Movie Marathon!)

I've been watching my fair share of movies lately.  Seriously, between movies and watching videos online (The Spoony Experiment and The Cinema Snob being my current fixations), I've put off finishing the video games I've been playing as I've given up on New Super Mario Bros. Wii for the time being (damn ice world) and haven't even touched Yakuza 2 on the PS2 for about a month now.  Anyways, to help get 2010 off to a good start, I spent New Year's Day trying to stay awake by going to Best Buy and spending whatever else I had left on my gift cards on movies.  I ended up walking out with Inglourious Basterds (the 2-disc edition), Sukiyaki Western Django, Let The Right One In and Martyrs.  Of course, you should know by now how much I loved Basterds seeing as I ranked it the best movie of 2009 and, even though I finally got around to watching it again last weekend, my high opinion of it hasn't changed.  Sukiyaki Western Django was a movie I've been wanting to see for the past couple years now, especially considering its a Takashi Miike film and I'll watch pretty much everything he makes.  Basically, it's a Japanese twist on a Western, which has the actors speaking in slightly-broken English throughout the movie (the only non-Japanese member of the cast being Quentin Tarantino himself), so it's pretty off-kilter meaning it's a typical Miike film.  But what I was most impressed with is the fact that it's basically a remake of Django, which in turn was a "ripoff" (for lack of a better word) of A Fistful of Dollars, which in turn was a remake of Yojimbo.  So, in a way Sukiyaki Western Django kinda took all those films and combined them, yet made the whole thing go full circle.  Oddly enough, I was really wanting to seek out those movies after watching Sukiyaki, which is quite a feat because I don't consider myself a fan of Westerns at all.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about Inglourious Basterds or Sukiyaki Western Django but the other two films I bought, Let The Right One In and Martyrs, which ended up becoming a little sequel to my Christmas Day Horror Movie Marathon as I played the two back-to-back in a doubleheader a few weeks back.

I Totally Wish I Had Photoshop Skillz (Part Three)

Inspired by my previous entry (The 2009 WTF? Awards), I have seen a vision of what the future may hold for the world...especially if Heidi Montag continues to be addicted to plastic surgery and runs out of body parts to augment:

The 2009 WTF? Awards

Yeah, I realize that we're now about halfway through January 2010 and the time for nostalgia over the past year and/or decade has already passed us by.  But I don't care, I'm cranking out a few more worthless awards anyway.  My tastes tend to stray outside of the mainstream but that affords me the luxury to objectively look at what the general public thinks is fun and entertaining and question (sometimes quite loudly) "WTF?!?" 

2010: The Year I Make Contact...With Your Face!

I just want to take this opportunity to thank anyone that has read this blog thus far.  That's right, all four of you.  I know I've only been doing this about a month or so but I like to believe that big things are coming, if I may be a bit presumptuous.  Of course, I'll need a bit of your help if those big things are going to happen.  It's like they say (who they are, I'll never know): "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"  In a word: Ummm...yeah.  But to extrapolate that a bit, if I write a blog and no one is around to read it, does it really matter?  Not really. 

I Totally Wish I Had Photoshop Skillz (Part Two)

The saga continues!

WWE vs TNA: The Monday Night Wars Redux? (Part 2)

It took me a few days but I finally was able to watch this Monday's edition of Raw.  I tried to do the recap in the same format that I did Impact's as a more reactionary-type thing instead of a play-by-play.  But forgive me if it feels a bit anti-climactic considering I had already read the results and knew what happened before I saw the whole thing.

WWE vs TNA: The Monday Night Wars Redux? (Part 1)

Anyone that knows me well knows that I'm a huge fan of professional wrestling and have been since the day I was born.  But truth be told, I haven't watched wrestling with any regularity in some time.  You see, in my teenage years, the wrestling business had reached a high not seen since the days of Hulkamania in the '80s due to the Monday Night Wars.  WCW went head-to-head with the WWF every Monday (at least when the WWF wasn't pre-empted with stuff like the US Open) and for a good couple years, wrestling fans were in heaven.  On the WCW side, you had the nWo taking over but also some great matches including guys like Chris Jericho and Eddie Guerrero who would go on to become huge.  On the WWF side, there was Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, D-Generation X and the newfound "Attitude".  After a few years, WCW fell due to bad business decisions and ended up being bought out by Vince McMahon and absorbed into the WWF, which would later become the WWE that we know of today.  But soon enough, wrestling got boring to me with the WWE being the only show on the air and I stopped watching.  Other than a few years ago when ECW (another competing brand that was bought out by McMahon) was making a comeback, I haven't watched any shows regularly.  Now, I'll turn it on every once in a while if I'm with friends and we need something to laugh at but I can't really watch it on my own.  In that time, a new company dubbed TNA Wrestling had risen through the ranks but despite grabbing plenty of top stars in the wrestling business, they've failed to gain a foothold to go toe-to-toe with the McMahon empire.  But with the recent decision to not only hire Hulk Hogan to help run the company but to run a show head-to-head with the WWE's flagship show Monday Night Raw, I couldn't not watch.  Of course, the WWE wasn't going to be outdone as they had brought in Bret Hart, a wrestler who hasn't been in a WWE ring in 12 years and who many thought they would never see him appear in one ever again.  Yeah, maybe I'm a bit more cynical now than I was then but I can't deny that history is being made, whether TNA shows that they're a contender or falls by the wayside when it's all said and done.  So, I decided to do a bit of a recap.  Due to the fact that TNA was running a 3-hour show, starting an hour earlier than Raw, and that the USA Network comes in a bit fuzzy for me, I decided to watch TNA Impact first and I'll watch Raw online at a later date, probably tomorrow.  Forgive me if this review seems a bit scatterbrained as I typed it up while watching.  I'm pretty much copy-and-pasting this a half-hour after the show had ended so I'm not going to edit it.  If you're unsure as to what something or who someone is, let me know in the comments and I'll clarify.  This one's for my fellow wrestling fans and I hope they're not disappointed.

Ryan's Top Music of 2009 Part 3: #5-1

So here we are.  It's been a long road, cowboy...wait a minute, no it hasn't!  Without further ado, here's my Top 5 Favorite Albums of 2009.  Enjoy...or don't.  Your call.  (PS - This newish format with the pics happened totally by accident, but I liked it so I'm keeping it.)

Ryan's Top Music of 2009 Part 2: #10-6

So here we are with the actual Top 10 countdown for my favorite albums of the year.  Just in case you forgot, my criteria for this list includes all the albums that I bought and own.  And forgive me if it sounds like I'm trashing some of them at times as, honestly, I only bought about 12 or 13 CDs this year so this list is really more like "Stuff I Bought This Year" instead of "The Best Music of 2009".  But it's not like I go out and buy crap on purpose.  No, that's what I do for movies.  And some of them aren't even music albums!  Anyway, here we go with the first half of the countdown: