Hey guys, even though I posted the Ghost Rider review last week, it still seems like it's been a while since I've just rambled on about nothing in particular. It's weird, I try to do these big overblown articles but sometimes when I get down to it, sometimes I just gotta rant a bit. So far, I haven't really heard any feedback about the Ghost Rider review but I'm kinda on the fence about keeping the whole Nic-Cellence gimmick going. I don't know if it was an easy read for you or anything, but it took a lot of work doing that. Work that I don't necessarily have the energy for right now. I think that took me about a couple weeks to do, between writing, getting screencaps and making the Creepy Nic Heads for the ratings system. If I do another one, maybe I'll tone it down a bit. Also, I realize the screencaps were a bit huge and ended up getting cut off. But nothing of importance was lost so I just left it the way it was because I'm a lazy person.
And that's something I'd like to rant about a little bit: Motivation. I have none.
I've always wanted Sarcasmatron to be a fun read and thus I've hardly delved into my personal life at all. But as if it weren't obvious enough, between the self-depreciating humor, lack of a dating/social life and the fact that I do nothing but watch movies and such, I suffer from depression. I'm trying to work it out and get help for it but right now, it seems like the help isn't exactly helping. Particularly, due to an adverse reaction to some medication, my motivation to do much of anything that isn't lying in bed has dwindled down to nothing. Which is why there hasn't been a whole lot of content lately. Even sitting in front of the computer has become a chore. And honestly, the meds have almost given me some sort of ADHD, but instead of being distracted, I've become increasingly bored with even the things that used to give me comfort, like watching movies or working on the blog. But instead of urging me to get up and do something, I've just been going to bed because there's not much else I can do right now. Thankfully, I've stopped taking that particular medication and so far my side-effects have been improving, albeit slowly. I wanted to do this entry all week but sitting down to actually do it instead of lie in bed was kinda difficult, although that's mostly due to being tired from work. And my energy level while at work hasn't really increased yet, which is pretty discouraging considering that's the only real time I'm active. Anyway, that's about it. I just figured I'd explain why updates have been so random and of varying quality. Another thing is that after the Ghost Rider review, I don't really have any plans for major articles. I have a couple ideas but nothing yet to make a substantial read. So expect some more of this free-flow rambling for a while. And if you like it, let me know. I always love to read feedback.
So, what else have I been up to? I did get a couple of CDs last weekend and figured I'd give some brief thoughts on them. First off is The Sword's "Warp Riders", which is pretty much the only album I've had to look forward to all summer. All in all, it's a record from The Sword, and if you've heard their sound, you pretty much know what to expect. But the album is quality and the songs are catchier and a bit more memorable compared to their last record "Gods of the Earth". However, something I'd like to talk a bit about is not their music necessarily but a recent label I've heard them fall under: "Hipster Metal". Really? Look, I've made my disdain for hipsters fairly known here but I just don't see it. Why do people think these guys are "hipster metal"? Because their sound has a bit more blues than brutality? Because they have beards and aren't fat or Vikings like every other bearded guy in metal? Because they actually get reviewed by non-metal music critics? I don't get it. I'm all about genre-defining to easily categorize music but maybe we should stop with the bullshit labels. What is "hipster metal" supposed to sound like? I'd imagine it's just the whining of people liking something that was popular 3 months ago, only backed by squeedling guitars. To me, The Sword sounds like the sons of Lynyrd Skynyrd got together and started a metal band to sing songs about their D&D sessions, which sounds pretty awesome to me. So in short, expect "Warp Riders" to be a dark horse on a few Best Of 2010 lists, including my own. Also, after listening to a downloaded copy for the past few months, I decided to pick up "Noir" by William Control (aka WiL Francis of Aiden) and still unsure whether or not I regret paying the money for it. Some of the songs are really good, better than some of the material from previous album "Hate Culture", but others are really bleh. And in the case of "Why Dance With The Devil When You Have Me?", it's almost simultaneously the best AND worst song on the record, following up an uber-danceable chorus with useless and unnecessary guest-rapping. Eh, I'll justify the purchase as a way to atone for downloading "Hate Culture". Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot else coming the rest of the year. Other than Dimmu Borgir's next album coming in October, The Birthday Massacre has a new one coming out in the Fall as well. And that's about it. I'm still hoping there's a new Blaqk Audio album by year's end but they won't announce anything, even though they've openly said that they have enough songs done for multiple albums.
Other than that, I haven't been up to much. However, I did make a pretty bold decision last night at the request of a friend and actually performed a stand-up comedy routine at an Open Mic. It was pretty fun though I was nervous as all hell. All of the material from the other comics was recorded, including myself, so hopefully I'll be able to post a video of it soon...if it's any good. I'm not taking a career in stand-up comedy all that seriously (Irony Alert!) but I do enjoy coming up with weird things to make people laugh so I hope I did that. And who knows, maybe I'll make some contacts and get something off the ground, whatever that may be. But all in all, it was just a night for me to try something new, get out of the house and try to stay out of bed.
Of course, I did my fair share of movie watching as well lately. I didn't think I had a whole lot to work with at first but considering one of the few DVDs I bought was yet another Blaxsploitation compilation (this time focusing mostly on Jim Kelly), I guess it bumped the film count up enough to warrant doing another Random Movie Round-Up, which probably has more potential as a Sarcasmatron regular feature than Nic-Cellence. And once my stack of DVDs was done, I decided to include movies I already own and have seen multiple times in the Round-Up. So here we go with yet another RMR.
Three The Hard Way - Out of the three films in this set that included Jim Kelly, this was the one I was most excited to see considering the pedigree of Jim Brown and Fred Williamson. Hence Three The Hard Way. I was expecting a gritty, serious action-packed case of pure black power. Well, it's definitely action-packed but not serious in the slightest...at least not in retrospect. I'm sorry, but I can't take any movie seriously where the villains are a group of Nazi's that are trying to eradicate black people by poisoning the water supply with a liquid that suspiciously looks like red Kool-Aid and supposedly only works on black people. Yup, that's the plot of the movie. And though it's not as serious as I would've hoped, it's still very entertaining. B
Black Belt Jones - I was tempted to see Black Belt Jones after seeing it listed among some of the worst movies ever made. And after seeing it, I have no idea why. I've seen worse kung-fu flicks. I've seen worse Blaxploitation flicks. Hell, I've seen worse Jim Kelly flicks (as you'll find out later) which is saying something considering you could probably count the man's filmography on both hands. There's nothing horribly offensive about Black Belt Jones...except maybe when Jim Kelly tells the female lead to do some dishes, to which she reacts by shooting them. Not really all that memorable overall but harmless fun nonetheless. B-
Hot Potato - If you ever wanted to see Jim Kelly do slapstick comedy...then what the hell is wrong with you? Why would you want to? He kicks people's asses and has an afro! But really, he isn't doing any of the comedy in this movie but he has a couple of annoying sidekicks that you just want to punch in the face. I was watching this during a particular bout with depression and obviously I made the wrong choice. By the time the movie reached it's climactic fight between Jim Kelly and Stereotypical Asian Villain #5, I had fallen asleep. And when I woke up to see the end, I didn't bother rewinding the movie. That's how bad it was, that I didn't care a freaking fight had broken out! Screw you, Hot Potato. Why the hell aren't you on the list of Worst Movies instead of Black Belt Jones? D-
Black Samson - The only movie in the four-film set not having anything to do with Jim Kelly, because apparently Warner Bros. couldn't get the rights to Tattoo Connection or Black Samurai. Couldn't get or didn't want? It's your call. Anyway, Black Samson is a pretty basic Blaxploitation flick where a solid brotha' named Samson wants to protect his hood from the coke slingin' whitey and brings down justice with his giant shaka stick. I know I sound horribly and condescendingly racist right now but that's pretty much how the movie goes, especially since Samson dresses like he still lives in Africa and he has a pet lion! But as racist as the whole thing sounds, it's a pretty solid flick. Samson is good and righteous and the bad guys are really bad. I really wish I had the motivation to make a gif of the main baddie jumping out of the pool and giving his girlfriend a running Falcon Punch while still dripping wet. Even better, Black Samson has one of the most underrated not-sidekicks I've ever seen. Basically, this guy runs a funeral parlor (and hits on the grieving women) as a cover for his drug peddling but stays in the shadows like a coward, waiting to jump on the winning side in the eventual race war over the turf. This guy is hilarious, like Eddie Griffin on crack. And no, I'm not being facetious or anything. Every time the guy is on screen, the guy usually has to take a hit or five of the white stuff. It's a bit slow at times but I'd still probably recommend it to someone who wants to give Blaxploitation flicks a shot. B
Hatchet - Between not having used Netflix on the Wii for a good couple months and also not having seen a quality horror flick in a while other than Piranha 3D, I decided to give Hatchet a shot after hearing it's hype as one of the great low-budget flicks in recent memory. But I can't help but feel it was a bit overrated. I mean, it was good but it's totally nothing we haven't seen before. Ok, well I guess I've never seen someone take a belt-sander to the jaw before but other than that, yeah, nothing I haven't really seen before. The jist of the plot has the geeky kid that dressed like he's in The Matrix from Grandma's Boy and the Token Black Guy from Not Another Teen Movie leading a group of meatshields as they navigate a small bayou and try to escape from a deformed madman hellbent on vengeance and gratuitous bloodshed. Maybe it was because I was watching it on Netflix over the Wii (which I've normally never had a problem with) but the picture looked like crap and I could hardly see anything. And a pet peeve of mine is when a horror movie uses a Marilyn Manson song in it's soundtrack. To me, that kinda screams "Hey, Marilyn Manson's kinda scary and I don't feel like using a score or looking for anything scarier so there"-levels of laziness in moviemaking. And some of the dialogue is horrible, and not in a "so bad it's funny"-way but more like a "teenagers don't actually talk like that!"-sort of way. Other than that, it was alright, just not the modern classic that people make it out to be. I do hope that they kick things up a notch for the upcoming sequel. C+
Django - After finally getting a chance to watch Sukiyaki Western Django a while back and thoroughly enjoying it, I figured I'd give it's inspiration a shot after seeing it listed on Netflix. However, there's one thing you should know: I don't really enjoy Westerns. Or war movies. I don't know if it's the subject matter or the timeframe they were filmed in but I think they're sorta boring and I have trouble getting through them. But I've decided to give so-called "Spaghetti Westerns" from Italy (a term that would never fly in today's PC age, by the way) like Django and the films of Sergio Leone a shot because I love what the Italians did with horror in the '70s and '80s and hoped that much of the same style would be evident in their Westerns as well. And it is...to an extent. Due to my general disinterest in the Western genre, I spent a good chunk watching Django as background noise while I fiddled on the computer. But it got really good near the end, when Django's plan to start a new life begins to fall apart and thus he must exact his revenge. I'll give it a solid B for what I did watch.
Tron - Let's get this out of the way right now. I LOVE Tron. To me, it is pretty much the living embodiment of the '80s. So I decided to watch it on a boring day to get myself hyped up for Tron Legacy. However, I think that the more I watch the original and the more I see the trailers (especially the disappointing 3D trailer before Piranha 3D), I'm not sure I'll enjoy the new Tron in the same way I enjoy the old one. I'm sure it'll be good and I'm sure that there'll be some nods of nostalgia to the original but with all the 3D sheen and Hollywood gloss, there's no way it can match the "charm" and "personality" (codewords for "technical shittiness") of the original. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's due to the age of my DVD or my PS2 (or both) but I couldn't watch the whole thing. Luckily the XBox 360 was free and I watched it on that...and it looked a whole hell of a lot better. A+ for the movie. D- to my old-ass DVD.
Dead Alive - After the relative disappointment of watching Hatchet, I decided to pop in a true gore classic in Dead Alive. It still boggles the mind that the guy who would go on to win Oscars with the Lord of the Rings trilogy got his start in a movie like this. And not necessarily because of the copious amounts of blood and guts but because the general style of the film is so goddamn cheesy. But I can't think of many other movies that will make you groan in embarrassment and then make you want to vomit, yet enjoying the entire experience anyways. A-
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