I hope all of you are having a great Halloween season. Me? Well, personally it's been probably the worst Halloween on record, which sucks to say considering Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. I had a small get-together with friends on Friday but on Saturday night, the big "party" night, I had nothing. So I opted to treat myself with a mini-marathon of horror movies but I probably tricked myself instead, considering the titles I chose to partake in. So before I depress myself even further, let's dive in to this installment of Random Movie Roundup, starting with the three movies I chose for my mini-marathon.
Pieces - An early adopter of the '80s slasher sub-genre, Pieces probably isn't regarded as a "good" movie outside of die-hard horror fans but I like it nonetheless. Case in point, my favorite scene is when the lead detective asks the anatomy professor at the college where all these grisly chainsaw murders are happening if this specific murder could have been caused by a chainsaw. Of course, that wouldn't be a stupid question...if it weren't for the fact that he pointed to the bloody chainsaw that laid right next to the pile of remaining body parts. And instead of the anatomy professor saying "Are you a dumbass? The chainsaw is sitting RIGHT THERE! Of course that was the murder weapon!.", he takes a minute to survey the crime scene and says "Yeah, it's a possibility." While Pieces does incorporate a few cheap jump scares (or as I like to call them "People Who Are Accompanied By Loud Noises For No Reason"), Pieces has one of the best ones when the female detective working undercover as the college's tennis instructor is jumped by the kung-fu instructor. Seriously, the guy jumps out and starts throwing kung-fu kicks at her for no reason before being taken care of and blames the whole thing on "bad chop suey". If he were any more of a racist stereotype, he would've had a Fu Manchu 'stache and apologized by saying "Me so solly!" It's little things like that that makes Pieces sort of an unrecognized classic. Yeah, it's not perfect but it's still pretty fun. Oh, and if you make it to the end, prepare yourself for one of the most "WTF?" endings of all time. B
Burial Ground - Much like Pieces, Burial Ground has a bit of a reputation among horror fans but for all the wrong reasons. This time, it's because of the casting choice of a midget obviously in his 20's or 30's as a young boy who loves his mother a little TOO much. Yup, at one point he tries making out with his mom and after being denied, soon dies and becomes a zombie. The whole ordeal causes mommy to regret not letting him get some and makes up for it by giving him a taste of her breast milk like when he was a baby. Of course, now that he's a zombie, that doesn't end well for her. Sure, I may have spoiled a good chunk of the movie right there but how can I NOT talk about something like that? And besides that little sub-plot, Burial Ground (aka The Nights of Terror), doesn't have a whole lot else going for it. The first 10-15 minutes focus on getting the women naked and when that's done, it's all about running from zombies. And I'd say the next half-hour or so has them running from zombies in broad daylight, which isn't very scary even though the zombie makeup is quite a bit better than other movies from the same era. When the zombies do get their hands on those not lucky enough to survive, the effects are pretty good. But other than that, it's just a movie about people running from zombies and it gets a bit old after a while. C+
Maniac - As much flack as I just gave Burial Ground for being "a movie about people running from zombies", I could write Maniac off as being "a movie about a guy killing people". And if it weren't for the performance of Joe Spinell as the titular maniac, it very well could have been written off. Sure there's plenty of gore and violence, but as you follow the footsteps of the maniac as he stalks and murders his victims before scalping them and coming back home to his apartment to nail the scalps on his collection of creepy mannequins, you really get the sense of his psychosis and, worse yet, realize that there are people just like him out there walking the streets. Even when he disguises himself as a "normal person" and tries to make friends with a beautiful photographer, you want to believe it as genuine but know that he's only doing it to get closer to his next kill. Maniac feels more like a character study than an actual narrative but kudos definitely go out to the late Joe Spinell for diving headfirst into such a role and making it believable. B+
Natural Born Killers - In what may come as a bit of shock to you, I've never seen Natural Born Killers until a week or so ago. And though I realize it's very violent, I'm still kinda shocked at the response it got back in the day. It's definitely a satire/indictment of violence in the media but it's done with as much subtlety as a clawhammer to the crotch. For those proclaiming it to be violent...well, duh, that's kinda the point, genius. But on the same token, I can't help but wonder how different the movie would be and how much of that satire would be lost if writer Quentin Tarantino directed it as well. You know me, I'm a Tarantino loyalist (for the most part *cough*DeathProof*cough*) but I don't think he could have made or would even want to make the same kind of statement that Oliver Stone did with Natural Born Killers. And I'm not even that big of an Oliver Stone fan. As far as the acting goes, though I enjoyed Woody Harrelson and Juliette Lewis as Mickey and Mallory, I think a bulk of the praise should go to the supporting cast of Robert Downey Jr., Tommy Lee Jones and Tom Sizemore. I liked their performances so much that I couldn't really see anyone else playing their roles, whereas I believe Mickey and Mallory could have been played by almost anyone willing enough to do so. I'm not going to recommend this to just anyone, not so much for the violence but for the style. It definitely fits the tag of "most expensive student film" that it was given during filming. Honestly, some the stylistic choices unnerved me more than the actual violence on screen but I got used to it and they mostly ended up working to the film's favor. But if you do watch it, I definitely suggest watching the "NBK Revolution: How Would It All Go Down Now?" special featurette on the DVD, which wonders aloud how the events of the movie would unfold in the current age of Facebook and Twitter. A
Bio-Dome - I used to consider myself a bit of a Pauly Shore apologist, never really considering him to be as bad as people make it out to be. I used to dig all his movies, including Bio-Dome, and watched them multiple times. Maybe that's just the sadist in me but whatever. I don't know if I've "grown up" or what but I could not tolerate not only Pauly but just about everyone else in this movie as well (yup, even including Tenacious D's cameo). It's like a switch went off inside me and told me "Hey, everyone was right, this movie does suck. You just didn't know it yet." I don't know if that makes me just like everyone else now or what but I almost could not finish watching Bio-Dome this time, even though I've sat through it multiple times before. Ah well, at least I still like Encino Man and Son-In-Law...or do I? D
PCU - Between the last two movies and PCU, I must have been on some '90s kick. And oh god did we all look horrible or what? PCU has always been my favorite "college" movie (yeah, I haven't seen Animal House yet, so what of it?) but while some of the jabs at Political Correctness still ring true to this day, I can't help but think it's a tad bit outdated. So while I'm not a big fan of remaking movies, I think PCU could definitely benefit from a "modern revamp". Hey, it's better than a "gritty reboot". Hey, maybe if Jeremy Piven needs the money, they could do a straight-to-video sequel with him as the Dean of PCU. By the way, I don't know why but Piven kinda looks older in PCU than he does now, despite the movie now being over, what...15 years old? Seriously? Wow, now I feel old. B-
Zoolander - You may not think I'd like a "stupid" movie like Zoolander but hey, I just exposed myself as being a former fan of Pauly Shore so your opinion of me is probably totally off base by now. I like Zoolander not only because it allows me to shut my mind off and enjoy it but also for the fact that this was one of the last times Ben Stiller played an actual character. I am quite sick of Ben Stiller by now but only because he refuses to play anything but himself in movies, outside of a few cameos here and there. Eh, even Owen Wilson (who I detest worse than Ben Stiller for the exact same reason) still pretty much plays himself in Zoolander but it's a lot more tolerable for some reason I don't quite know yet. It's not the greatest movie ever but if it gets me to enjoy Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson for a bit, then it's worked a minor miracle. B
Ong-Bak 2 - I remember when I went to see The Protector in theaters with a few friends and thinking it was funny that one of them was so mad at the "lack of plot". I responded by saying "It's Tony Jaa, what plot do you need beyond 'Guy Looking For Elephant By Breaking People's Bones'?" In Ong Bak 2 (which, despite the 2, claims to be a prequel, yet I don't see any connection between the two films other than having Tony Jaa in them), they tried to rectify all of that by having a plot...one that I couldn't give a crap about. Don't get me wrong, the fighting scenes are still top-notch and the quality of the film is better than any other previous Tony Jaa flick. But anytime the paint-by-numbers predictable storyline popped up, it would just grind the movie down to a halt. And the ending...oh god the ending. After about a half-hour straight of ass-kicking, the movie stops and a narrator comes out of nowhere and basically says "So yeah, Tony Jaa died at the end, which we won't show you, but if you believe REALLY HARD, he may come back in another movie!", effectively putting Tony Jaa in the same company as Santa Claus and Tinkerbell. And so I say this to everyone involved in making a Tony Jaa movie...it's Tony Jaa, what plot do you need beyond "Guy Looking For Something By Breaking People's Bones"? A- for the fighting scenes, C+ for everything else.
Moon - If there's any movie on this list that I'd have to consider a "must-see", it's Moon. Seriously. I've always considered Sam Rockwell one of the most underrated and overall greatest actors of the current generation. And really, when you take into account that the only other actors that Sam is acting against is himself and the voice of Kevin Spacey makes it all the more impressive. Between Rockwell's performance and the overall feel of the film, it takes what would typically be just another sci-fi plot and makes it feel real by adding emotion and gravity. Sure, it won a bunch of other awards but it's still a travesty that Rockwell and Moon itself went largely ignored by the Academy Awards. There's not a whole ton I can say that won't spoil the enjoyment of the movie for you other than urging you to go see it as soon as you can. A+
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