This Is What Happens When You Have Nothing To Write About

First of all, before I get going into...whatever the hell I'm going to talk about today, I'd like to thank the patrons of the Wrestlecrap Forum.  Because of them, I managed to get just under 200 hits over the course of last Wednesday through Friday.  Thursday alone netted me 122 hits, which is easily a record for the most in one day so far.  However, there comes a negative side to this.  They only really came because I posted a link to my article about NXT Season 2 and while I'm glad they read it, they're seemingly the only ones that have.  And after Friday, my daily hits went back down into the single digits.  Hell, no one has even visited the blog today so far (though hopefully that'll change once I post this).  So I'm really thinking about things I can do or specific stuff I can write about that'll get more people to read and, more importantly, keep them coming back.  I know there's an audience for my inane ramblings somewhere out there.  Why else would internet reviewers and stupid YouTube vloggers get so many people to follow them?  I just wanna jump up and down and complain loudly about stupid crap for a living, that's all.  And judging from all the Tea Partiers and Town Hall meetings lately, that seems to truly be the American dream.

Which brings me to my current quandary: I have nothing to write about right now.


It sucks.  I haven't really seen any new movies except for a few.  I watch Timecrimes and it was quite awesome.  If you have any interest in time travel, see it now.  But the entire time I was watching it, I just kept thinking that someone in Hollywood is going to see this and ruin it with an unnecessary dumbed-down remake.  Also, a movie I left out of my last movie rundown was G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.  I know this movie got a lot of flack but it wasn't that bad.  It was just a dumb, but harmless, big-budget action movie.  But by the end of the movie, GI Joe might as well have been called "Not Star Wars" as the last quarter of the movie involved an underwater battle that might as well have been X-Wings attacking the Death Star, inter-cut with a swordfight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow in the middle of a giant cylinder with lightning in the middle that might as well have been the lightsaber fight from Episode 1.  With that said, I only have two valid complaints about GI Joe.  #1 - Could they have gotten anybody LESS charismatic to play Duke?  I remarked while watching it that Duke reminded me of John Cena (which is ironic considering he did The Marine a few years back) but despite what most internet wrestling fans would want you to believe, Cena looks like freakin' Sammy Davis Jr. compared to whoever the hell played Duke.  And #2 - It didn't really feel like I was watching "GI Joe".  None of the characters in the movie really had anything in common with their cartoon counterparts, beyond maybe Snake Eyes.  Hell, even Baroness didn't really strike me as anything beyond "hot chick in skintight black latex", even though that's basically what the Baroness is anymore.  The only real time I got that GI Joe feeling was seeing Scarlett riding her motorcycle during the chase scene wearing something vaguely similar to what she wore in the cartoon.  As a big-budget summer blockbuster, it probably wasn't going to be taken very seriously or win any awards, so they should've just gone full-tilt by having Cobra Commander be half-snake and comment how he "wasssssss onccccceeeeee a maaaaannnnn!" as he scattered pieces of a weather machine around all the corners of the world.  But other than that, you could do much worse.  You could watch Transformers 2...

Oh, and even though I'm still quite behind on my video game playing, I'm seriously debating pre-ordering the AAA: Legends of Lucha Libre game from GameStop JUST for the pre-order bonus: a bonafide lucha libre mask.  There are four different masks between Dr. Wagner Jr. (which is what you'll definitely get if you pre-order online), La Parka (what I want), Octagon and one mask that I'm not sure who it belongs to (it looks like Abismo Negro but he died so I doubt its his).  And since the Wii version is only $40 compared to $60 for the 360 or PS3, all the better.  Then again, the Wii version will probably suck in comparison.  But really, I just want the mask.  If the game sucks that bad, I'll just trade it on Goozex for a bunch of points.

Other than that, I got nothing.  I'm wondering if I should keep doing wrestling related topics, especially when you take into consideration that I won't have cable TV for very long.  Well, I shouldn't right now but they still haven't shut it off when I told them to.  There's a few movies I wanna see in theaters, it's just a matter of actually going out to see them.  There's nothing really interesting in music right now.  And though I want to keep this an entertaining blog, there's not even really anything personal worth complaining about beyond my car being a piece of crap.

So enjoy a list of awesome spam e-mail topics that I've compiled over the past year or so for no reason at all:

Ipod killed a man
Exclude flaccid hose risk
Come check boobs!
Power up your pork rocket
Want your nether rod to stay?
You're a jerk
I was fired, I reveal secrets
People for sale in Miami
Read it, you freak
Wanna see rape online?
You idiot, what've you done?
Wasn't you offline?
Screw her every hole
They are blue, they are little and they will make your shaft stay super hard.
Give your privates some boost!
Your shlong'll be your trump
Call mad woman now
Christina Aguilera comeback hits snag after she loses teeth
Wake up your porkmonster
Replace your ant with behemoth
Don't let your manhood die!
Make your bazooka hot!
Launch your love spaceship
You'll brake walls with your boner
Forge your huge love sword
Bring you your golden ball up again
Blow her on the peak
Helping small poles grow
Hey, what's with money?
let's go visit skytrain
Stimulate her grotto better
Make your own gun of pleasure
Be her mighty night predator
Rod's strong!  That's not wrong!
Expand your manliness spire
A song about testicles
Want 3D-slaves?
Give your rocket best fuel
Your rod will be faultless weapon
Make your boner so iron in could pierce a hole in ceiling
Attack her ham pocket more
Want your meaty lever to go up and forward all night?

And until next time kids, remember: If you want to make it a win...make it a win.