Twilight Hate Addendum - I'll Stop After This, I Swear!

So do you ever have a moment where you're writing something and forget a key component? Sure, we all do and it actually happens quite a bit to me. But I didn't think I'd leave out the actual inspiration that put everything together in my head and compelled me to go on the Twilight rant in the previous entry. I guess at a certain point, even I get sick of yelling at stupid things and just wanna talk about something else. So anyway, here it is, the true reason why I ultimately hate Twilight.



Patton Oswalt is one of my favorite comedians and if you enjoy him too, I highly suggest getting a hold of the "222" session somehow. Basically, 222 is the 2 hour and 22 minute set he did while recording his first album that was obviously too long and trimmed down to become "Feelin' Kinda Patton". It is available on a two-disc set but it's pretty rare compared to Feelin' Kinda Patton so you might have to buy it online or pirate it (sorry Patton). Anyway, he does this small bit (which is more like a throwaway comment) about why he hates Sex And The City (which I can share in his hate). Basically, he talks about how much he loves sci-fi and horror and such but knows that that kind of stuff is real. To paraphrase: "I like werewolves and think they're cool but I know that they don't really exist". But for Sex And The City fans, they think all that stuff is real and want it to happen to them even though it never will. So now, with Twilight around, girls are not only suckered into believing that some suave British gentleman in tight emo pants will sweep them off their feet, but he will ACTUALLY BE A VAMPIRE TOO!! So Patton's theory had pretty much doubled up onto itself, and thus made Twilight exponentially more annoying. But hey, at least I learned all werewolves use the Ab Wheel.

So yeah, that's about it. But don't think I'd just waste a blog entry on what is essentially a "deleted scene". No, I just happened to find something else earlier today that serves as more ammunition against the Twilight craze. According to Revolver, one of the stars of Twilight has been tapped to play Varg Vikernes in a film adaptation of the book Lords of Chaos, a memoir of the Norwegian black metal scene.

Now let me give you a brief history lesson about Vikernes and black metal. Popularized in Norway in the early '90s, black metal was created as a stripped-down, bare-bones approach to heavy metal which main focus was the dismantling of Christianity in favor of returning to Norway's pagan roots. Because of this, a number of people in the black metal scene began to set fire to some of Norway's most historical churches which sent Norway into a media frenzy. To add to this, Varg Vikernes (aka Count Grishnackh) was sentenced to 21 years in prison after murdering Oystein Aarseth (aka Euronymous) in addition to multiple counts of arson relating to the infamous church burnings. Fun Fact: The cover to one of Mayhem's early albums was a picture of their vocalist at the time after he had committed suicide with a shotgun blast to the head, leaving behind a suicide note reading "Please excuse the blood." Anyway, Vikernes became one of Norway's most infamous celebrities, being the focal point of many tabloids to this day. Behind bars, continuing to make music with his one-man band Burzum and wrote pamphlets and manifestos spreading his views of paganism and neo-Nazism. At one point, Vikernes was granted a short leave from prison only to be arrested again when police had found him in a stolen car filled with automatic weapons, possibly stolen from a military barracks. Despite this, Vikernes only served 16 years of his 21 year sentence and was released earlier this year.

So, yeah, what out of any of that screamed out to the casting director "Hey, we need to get one of the Twilight kids!"? I'm willing to give the actor himself a pass as I haven't seen any of his work (including Twilight) and he may actually be a decent actor. I've heard from many people that Robert Pattinson is a quite good actor in everything he's done EXCEPT for Twilight, despite the fact that he looks like the living embodiment of an elf on a three-week drinking binge. I've even heard that Miss Doesn't-Know-How-To-Close-Her-Mouth has even done some decent work. But the fact remains that everyone involved in Twilight will be forever tainted by Twilight, possibly with Sparkle-itis. The guy cast as Varg Vikernes could cure CancerAIDS(TM) while on the set but that won't stop newspapers from printing the headline "LIKE OMG SUPER-CUTE TWILIGHT STUD CURES SOME STUPID DISEASE!"